Stuck in the Middle, With Stuff: The Sandwich Generation

When I went away to college, my parents converted my bedroom into a meditation room for my father. I was the youngest of three, the last to leave, and the only one who had their bedroom immediately transformed into something else entirely. Ironically, mine was also the smallest and had no heating or air conditioning, which you might think would make it the least desirable bedroom of the three to transform. So then, why my room? Simple: I was organized. (Okay, and yes, it was less desirable for company. But play along with us.)

When I went off to school I had “binned-up” all my stuff and donated or otherwise disposed of a lot of stuff I thought I didn’t need anymore. Admittedly I have a bit of regret about that decluttering experience. My whole life I’ve pushed myself and my family to shed stuff, but in doing so, sometimes I was too rash. I didn’t even have a digital camera back then to take a dose of that terrible advice, “Take a picture, and let it go.” The memories vanished.

Today we're sharing three conversations you'll want to have with your kiddos before any extreme makeovers to keep the peace and the memories.

One Conversation: All that 'stuff'

Parents, if you have not done so recently, open the door to your kid’s room, and just take in the 360 view. Do you see their personality blinking at you like neon lights of Las Vegas?

From the papers, posters, paint colors, and collections, you can see their interests, old and new, hobbies, achievements, and more. And all that they love now will get tested and turned on its head as they step into their new lives, whether they are going off to college or entering the labor force. What was cool or amazing or their passion now, may not be in a few short months.  

Here are a few questions you could ask to help you start a discussion about all the ‘stuff.’ It's all about understanding what's what:

• • 1. What do you plan to take with you? TIP! Keep a notepad handy because in this process you might also turn up new items that they need to buy before they go.
    2. Is there anything you aren’t taking that you wish you could?  
    3. Are there things we could put into storage or rehome? I may have company stay in here now and then when you’re away, I’d like to make room for them to feel more comfortable.
    4. These {items} are actually quite valuable. I’d recommend you leave them here. Not great for a dorm room.  
    5. If we had a fire or a flood, and we needed to grab and go with just a few things, what of your belongings would you want us to take out?

Avoid these common pitfalls as you get started: 

Rushing it. The reason we're publishing this article now is because we want to save you from this pitfall. It happens when you either waited until the last minute or allowed only one week in the whole summer to get this done. Either way, rushed decisions are fraught with stress and increase the risk of conflict. Plan ahead. 

Ignoring or dismissing sentimental attachments. Are you SURE they do not have a sentimental attachment to things x, y, z, that they are getting rid of? Regret can be so painful. You know your kid. If they are suddenly tossing aside items they have loved, maybe put them into a box you’ll hold for 6 months. Then they can check back in on that box with a different mindset from a different moment in time to ensure they are truly ready to part with its contents. 

Ignoring YOUR sentimental attachments. Yes, your turn. If your kid is ready to let go and you are not, that’s on you. Let them know you want to save those items for your own memories and take responsibility for finding a safe place to store them until you are ready to let them go.  

Missing out on opportunities to digitize. Digitization is your friend. It cuts down on clutter, provides a backup in case of fire or flood, and makes items accessible 24/7 from anywhere. What can this apply to? Printed photos, certificates, artwork, class notes, posters, projects, greetings cards, yearbooks (and the notes friends leave), and the like.

Losing context. Will your kid ever wear those clothes again? Do they need that sports gear anymore? Life is changing in a big way. Some stuff will no longer be needed in this new life. Let it go to someone who can use it.

‘Disappearing’ things. Resist going through their room after they are gone and make decisions about what goes and what stays. Instead, at most, sort the items, and when they next come home (and after they have caught their breath), ask them to go through the boxes and verify what should go where. No parent wants to ruin a visit by pestering their kid to go through their stuff, so you might also consider taking it in doses. One box per visit? In all likelihood, they are still adjusting to their new life. Cut them a break unless you are in a situation that absolutely compels downsizing.

A Second Conversation: It’s About the Space

This conversation is about love and respect in equal measure, and in both directions – two-way street!  And in the process of discussing how you plan to repurpose their room once they move out, you will avoid the surprise factor as well as learn if they have any redlines you can accommodate so they do not feel overwhelmed by change. Here’s one flow that worked for an Arti community member who was launching child number 4 into the wild and that you can adapt to your circumstances: 

• • • I love you and you’ll always have a home here and a bed to sleep on.  
    • But I am going to convert your room into a dual-use space. I’ve always wanted to have a place for {whatever purpose}.  
    • When you are home, I’ll happily turn it back over to you. You’ll always have room for your clothes and ‘stuff’ {in this dresser/closet/space}. 
    • This does not mean all your ‘stuff’ has to go. We just need to make room. What can we pack up and: 
      • • Send with you? 
        • Store in the closet/attic/basement?
        • Donate? 
        • Sell? 
    • Are you comfortable if we redecorate or paint the room? 
    • Do want to take any furniture with you, or do want us to keep certain pieces for you in the future?

The Penultimate Conversation: The Joy of Connection Through Artifcting 

It’s nearly impossible to wander through a room so full of life as a kid’s room and not find yourself tumbling down memory lane. The stories and memories come unbidden. And that’s when you grab your phone, open the Artifcts app, and click record. When the story’s done, add a pic of the relevant object that triggered the memory, and save that Artifct. Now whether that object made the “keep” list or not, the memory is saved, in their own words, and maybe with your side commentary, too! 

This is for them 

This is for you. 

The moments behind everything in their rooms will begin to get fuzzy and fade as they make room for this whole new world they are walking into. Save them now. And besides, as much as they may love Winnie the Pooh, what if he does not make the cut for the dorm room?

Your digital Artifcts provide the memories and comfort of home no matter where you or those physical artifacts are in the world. Feeling connected and grounded when there is so much change is the gift you give them through Artifcting together. 

And remember, you can always Artifct for them, too, when they are not around. No two people hold the same memories. You may remember things that they were too young to recall or for which they only remember part of the story. Your memory about an event can be a gift. For example, they know what they experienced when they were in the school musical, the fun they had with friends, the stage fright, and more. YOU know what it was to be in the audience, seeing them on stage for the first time, laughing when they used improv to cover forgotten lines. Let them see it through your eyes too as you Artifct for them.

Happy Artifcting!

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© 2025 Artifcts, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Have you ever had to clean out the home of a loved one who has passed away? 

Have you ever served in the role of executor of an estate for a friend or family member? 

In a strange way, if you have not, you’re missing out on life education that has the potential to help you and your family and friends to one day leave behind love, legacy, and memories rather than a “dumpster fire,” as Rachel Donnelly, our friend, founder, and author of Late to Your Own Funeral, has been known to say. 

Read on for one family’s true story. We’ve made modifications along the way to protect their privacy.

Honoring a Bachelor’s Legacy 

Emily was always close to her cousin Joseph, growing up in neighboring towns, spending many weekends together at the family’s cabin. Time passed, Emily moved away (three towns over), married and started a family, and had a fulfilling career, keeping her busy, but never too busy for her cousin. In contrast, Joseph remained a proud bachelor, well-liked by his neighbors, and ever the humble host.  

“Joe’s place was a gathering place. People just showed up with a cooler of drinks to shoot the breeze on his back acres, enjoying the lake view. You could see two dozen different birds just relaxing by the lake.”  

Joseph’s affable nature and pride in his numerous collections related to pyrotechnics and war—think Civil War through WWII guns and other historical artifacts—meant he was also well known far beyond his local area. 

So, when Emily got the call that Joe had passed away, she sprang to action.  

"He joked all the time that I was going to get all his s*** one day, but he was better prepared than you might expect given his other bachelor ways. All of the items in his collections were labeled. And he had shared with me the names of antiques dealers and others he bartered and traded with over the years. I had a head start on what to do with everything valuable.” 

We asked Emily, “But where did you even start? How did you know where to start?”  

“Well, I’ve seen this movie before, being the executor for my mom’s estate and helping my husband with his sister’s, too, so I knew the basics. And I wasn’t alone.”  

Here are Emily’s 5 steps to a DIY estate cleanout, bachelor style: 

Step 1. Security. Joe lived out in the country in a modest 2-bedroom rambler, and didn’t really worry about locking his doors. Everyone knows everyone. Everyone looks out for everyone. But of course, Joe’s reputation as a collector was known far and wide. Not only were his collections valuable, but, if improperly handled, some pieces were dangerous. So, as executor, Emily immediately sent a family member to stay at Joe’s home to ensure his belongings were secured.  

Step 2. Make it legal. Joe had a Transfer on Death Deed (TODD), otherwise known as a beneficiary deed. As such, because he planned ahead and named Emily to receive his home and all of its contents, in a matter of days the property was legally in her name, neatly nipping a prolonged probate process in the bud. 

Step 3. Dust (and tidy). Emily’s lifelong bachelor cousin was not much for cleaning, but this isn’t only about dusting away the cobwebs. His extended dining table was also his home office and the most likely place for her to find bills and statements, her clues to the financial assets and liabilities that were now left to her to sort out. Finding bills to be paid was foremost on her mind. If only this part of his life was as well organized as his war memorabilia! 

Step 4. Grief and ‘stuff.’ “Joe was always telling stories. He loved history. And because the things he collected had stories, I wanted it all to have good homes. We easily could have gotten a dumpster. But how would that honor Joe’s memory, help his close friends grieve, or have been good for the planet? You can’t just throw it all in a landfill!”

A few weeks after the funeral, Emily arranged for a celebration at Joe’s house. While he had no immediate family, the neighbors, other collectors, and extended family were eager to gather to remember their friend. Emily also invited them to select mementos to remember Joe.  

This gathering was then the steppingstone for a broader community initiative to find the right auction houses, antique dealers, and yes, pyrotechnic experts, to liquidate the more valuable (and explosive) assets from Joe’s estate. 

“Some things went at auction for only $1 or $5, many more sold in the $50-75 range, and then there were exceptions hitting $2,000 or more. We used Facebook Marketplace, too, because it’s fast, local, and you’re not giving up 20% or more to an auction house.”

Step 5. The dump. Well, not only the dump. Yes, some items were trashed, but they could re-sell steel, aluminum, and copper scraps from Joe’s various projects, recycle electronics, and bring home goods to Habitat for Humanity’s ReStores. 

_______________

At the end of our conversation, we took Emily back to the beginning to ask if she had considered hiring a professional to do all this work at any point during the cleanout. 

“No. Maybe it’s a trust issue, worrying they’d just toss stuff out. But really, I had the time—I’m retired—I already knew what was what inside his home, and I was not doing the work alone. I had my husband’s support. He could have said, ‘Hell with it, I’m not helping. Just sell the place!’ And Joe’s wide network of friends and neighbors helped at every turn, too.  

To tell you the truth, in the end, it feels good.”

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Did you miss our first installment about estate cleanouts? Read it now --> 

© 2025 Artifcts, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Have you ever heard of the Zabbaleens of Egypt? They are a more modern-day version of the ragpickers who took to the streets in major urban centers of London and Paris throughout the 19th century to eke out a living by night to gather and recycle refuse.  

In Egypt, the informal Zabbaleen trash pickers charged households a monthly fee to recycle and upcycle 80% and more of the trash that the households of Cairo generated. What could not be sold, most of it the Zabbaleens reportedly fed to their pigs, the pigs being another household income source.  

In 2003, according to an article by The Guardian, the estimated 65,000 Zabbaleens lost their livelihoods when the Mubarak government privatized trash collection. Nearly overnight, the dismal results of the privatization became apparent. Collection trucks could not make it through Cairo's narrow streets, trash toppled over, and landfills were overwhelmed. It took a decade, along with the support of Egypt’s Minister of the Environment, to return the Zabbaleens to their work. 

Today’s ARTIcles story shares echoes of these lessons and what modern consumer buying behavior, sentiment and expectations combined with the explosion of virtual marketplaces means for home cleanouts for modern day families in the United States.

Modern Day Home Cleanouts

The “why” of a home cleanout, or an estate liquidation, could be the death of a loved one, downsizing with a giant capital D, or perhaps even a life changing relocation. Either way, not all of that ‘stuff’ is coming with you.  

And now you have a new task. Because once you’ve separated out what you will keep or give to family and friends, the lion’s share of items that remain, from everyday linens and furnishings to everything you never wanted to sort through in those junk drawers and closets, will be sitting there waiting for you to find it a new home. 

And we know how incredibly tempting it is to sweep it up into bins or call a junk hauler to get it over with and move on. 

You may not have the time, energy, or know-how to get it all where it needs to go next. And it’s unlikely you keep a virtual rolodex of best fit options to sell, donate, (up)recycle, and trash every item. Cleaning out a home is time consuming, emotionally draining, and physically burdensome work.  

And that is exactly why there are professionals who exist to help us all through these challenging situations. What could take you several weeks to months “in your spare time,” could be done in four days or less by a professional. That gives you back your time to focus on selling your home and otherwise moving on.  

And let’s be honest, for many of us, having an impartial professional helping us means you’ll have another person helping you let go of those heavy sentimental items. Even if you’re okay with the idea of letting go, actually doing so is often a whole different matter.

HOME CLEANOUTS 101 

Once you take out items you and others want to keep, you can simplify your home cleanout by sorting what’s left into into three categories: 

• • • Sell 
    • Donate 
    • Recycle & trash 

And the percentage of items each channel represents has transformed dramatically over the last decade. 

“Ten years ago, 75% of the items left behind would have been destined for donation,” according to Matt Paxton, author, TV personality, and founder of Clutter Cleaner. The volume headed to donation has dwindled dramatically, supplanted by new, often online, markets for used goods and a desire by many to earn a little cash.  

“Now we’re selling 80-90% of the items left behind. I donated less than 100 lbs. on our last job. In the past, it would have been at least a ton if not two (2,000 lbs. to 4,000 lbs.). And now only 500-1,000 lbs. is going to the junk haulers.” 

According to Paxton, $8,000 is the average market value for all the stuff left over in the typical home. His estimate is based on his most recent 1,000 cleanouts. “Ten years ago? The attitude was more like, ‘Eh, I’d rather donate it.’ Now every penny counts.” 

Matt laughed as he recalled his move in 2019 from Virginia to Georgia, “Want to guess how much money I got for everything?  $7,800. That even includes the $300 I got when I sold the couch I slept on my last night in Virginia, because the rest had already been moved out.”

The Future is Resale

The future of resale looks rosy, not only because of burgeoning virtual marketplaces but also anticipated trade policies under the current US administration. If prices go up on new goods, especially new goods of debatable quality, people will turn to secondhand goods.  

Do you want to pay 50% more for a poor-quality new item or go vintage/used? It’s not unlike houses, where inferior new-build homes can fail to hold value compared to well-built brick homes of old. Add to that the strong vintage and upcycle alure with the Gen Zs who go out thrifting as their weekend leisure, and again, resale wins. 

“When I think about how much we used to throw away,” lamented Paxton. “We didn’t know!”

According to Paxton, top categories for resale today that were often overlooked in the past include:   

• • • Vintage clothing. “A vintage t-shirt can easily sell for $25 today. You have a whole stack stashed in your closet, and you realize how quickly it adds up.” 
    • Recycled books. “This kills me. We threw away 500+ tons of books where now it could be recycled for cash.” 
    • Costume jewelry. “We cash in this type of jewelry for our clients for the value of the gold and silver. It gets melted down.” 
    • Furniture. “Then there’s the furniture, so much of it that we could have gotten $100 a piece for but donated instead. It’s easily more than $100,000 worth of furniture we’ve donated over the years I’ve been in this business.” 
    • Mattresses. This one is a mind bender. “I used to pay $100-200 a piece to dispose of mattresses," said Paxton. "Now we can often resell them to companies that will refurbish them. We’ve converted them from a liability to an asset for our clients.” And that, friends, is a win for homeowners and the environment.

Eager to dive into marketplaces with your items? We’ve curated a list of resources to get you started at the end of this ARTIcles story.

Finding a Professional for Your Home Cleanout and Getting Prepared

Do you want to work with a professional to cleanout your home? Paxton, founder of Clutter Cleaner, a national estate cleanout and move management company, recommends considering and interviewing a few types of professionals. Some offer comprehensive packages and others will expertly coordinate and bring in other providers as needed, such as appraisers, junk haulers, and more, to provide the services you need: 

• • • Certified move manager. Start your search via the National Association of Senior and Specialty Move Managers (NASMM); 
    • Professional home organizer. Visit the National Association of Productivity & Organizing Professionals (NAPO) to look for providers near you; 
    • A local estate sales company. You can check by city and zip code on Estatesales.net and ask about the full-scope services each offers.

You will spend a substantial amount of time with this company if you choose them to help you clean out your home. Call multiple professionals and choose the one that you enjoy spending time with. “You should enjoy their personality and fully understand their process. Consider working with them for an hour or two to see how you like working with their team.  Make sure it’s a match before you hire them for a full week,” said Paxton. 

You’ve Found Your Pro. Now What?

Once you have picked the cleanout partner that is right for you, go through the house and mark the items you absolutely know you are keeping or shipping to a friend or family member.  

Once you’ve done that, then call the professional and schedule a date to get started with them.  

They are there to help you figure out what to do with the stuff you don’t know what to do with and/or be the muscle behind your plan. Sometimes it’s not a total home cleanout. You may just need help packing up and picking up some heavy items.

Can You DIY a Home Cleanout? Should You DIY Your Home Cleanout?

We had the pleasure of interviewing several families who opted for the DIY home cleanout experience. Not only was each clearing out the home of a deceased loved one, but their reasons for DIYing were shockingly similar and fell into six categories: 

• • • Time, a lot of time. In all cases, at least one of the family members or executors leading the effort was retired and had no obligations that prevented them from committing any time they desired to cleaning out the home. In the words of Washington D.C.-based home organization professional Judy Tiger, "It is mind-bendingly time consuming to list items for sale online and make arrangements for pickup. And that's on top of the security considerations for pickup and recieving payment." She emphasizes that it's critical for people to do an honest cost-benefit analysis at the get go, i.e., the cleanout service fee versus the potential sale of items and unlocking of potential home equity sooner.
    • Proximity. The home in question was local to them, meaning they did not have to commit to spending hours on the road or flying across the country to get the job done. They also had local knowledge of places to donate and sell items.  
    • Legal and financial go ahead. Legally, there were no probate issues preventing them from accessing the property and dispersing its contents. There was no conflict either as to what to do with the belongings – ownership and intention were clear and respected. Financially, there was no immediate or compelling need to liquidate rapidly.  
    • Community. Whether it was other family members, neighbors, or friends, a whole community of people stood up to ask how they too could help with the cleanout process. “Many hands make light work,” goes the expression.  
    • Knowledge. The executors and/or family had deep knowledge of both their loved one’s intentions for their home and everything in it as well as prepared list of resources for who to contact in case of their demise to sell items of specific financial and/or historic value.  
    • Intrinsic motivation. Whether it was about honoring their loved one, enjoying the sorting process, or feeling good about finding new homes for items and/or recycling them in ways that are good for the planet, each person we spoke with had an interest in doing the work themselves. 

A Word of Caution on DIYing Your Home Cleanout

It’s one thing to slowly declutter and downsize your belongings when you are not moving, on your own, item by item, at your leisure. It’s another if you plan to DIY a home cleanout for yourself or a loved one. Are you sure you are using your time wisely? Value your time at at least $20/hour. If you spend 10 hours preparing to sell an item, then you’ll need to receive $200 for that item to breakeven. Make sure the DIY is actually saving you money.

You do not have to look far to find stories about the time, financial, and emotional costs of home cleanouts. The Reddit thread pictured below was started by someone clearing out an aunt’s home and business office, a time-consuming double whammy that by doing on their own “took over their life” and delayed saving money on rent and from selling the farm and home, too.

Most of us are over 50 when we start this process. Do we really want to spend the next 5 years of our lives cleaning out the past, or do we want to spend it creating new memories with our loved ones today?

Explore the World of Resale

Curious about where to sell everything you aren’t taking with you? Here are some (primarily) virtual marketplaces pros use, and you can too.  

GENERAL HOME GOODS 

• • • OfferUp, "The simpler way to buy and sell locally," https://offerup.com   
    • Whatnot, "The live shopping marketplace," https://www.whatnot.com 
    • Facebook marketplace, buy and sell locally and nationwide, https://www.facebook.com/marketplace/ 
    • LiveAuctioneers, "Let's go treasure hunting: auctions for one-of-a-kind art, antiques & luxury goods," liveauctioneers.com
    • Bidrush, "Local downsizing & estate online auctions," go.bidrush.com
    • Ebay, "Things. People. Love.," ebay.com
    • Etsy, "Global marketplace for unique and creative goods," etsy.com

LUXURY AND OTHER HIGHER END GOODS OR COLLECTIBLES 

You can certainly look to local luxury consignment and resale shops, but depending on your items, you may find more value in the reach of some of these virtual marketplaces: 

• • • The RealReal, "Where luxury is yours to define," therealreal.com
    • Poshmark, "Buy, sell, and discover fashion, home decor, beauty, and more," poshmark.com 
    • 1stDibs, "The most beautiful things on earth: Antique and modern furniture, jewelry, fashion, & art," 1stdibs.com
    • Auction houses, such as Bonhams, Doyle, Heritage Aucitons, and Nye & Company
    • Specialty antique and collectibles dealers (too numerous to list - search online based on your item)

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© 2025 Artifcts, Inc. All Rights Reserved.