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CONVERSATION, LEGACY, PLANNING & MORE, GENEALOGY & FAMILY HISTORY

How Two Sisters Overcame the Guilt to Lighten the Load of Family Heirlooms

Ellen Goodwin, Artifcts

August 16, 2023

Reading time: 6 minutes

Up until a few years ago, Rachel Donnelly, founder and CEO of AfterLight, and her family owned their old family home that had been in their family since 1890. Imagine the history those walls could tell! This home, in Eastern Tennessee, was where Rachel’s great-grandparents lived, where her grandmother was born, and where her mother was raised. 

After Rachel’s mother died, the family made the difficult decision to sell this beloved turn-of-the-century Victorian home that was in Rachel’s words “slap full of absolutely everything from our family's life. China, silverware, crystal, knickknacks, handwritten letters, newspaper clippings, coin collections, and of course, countless pieces of big brown furniture. You name it, it was in this house.” 

Buckle up, ladies and gents, we're going on a guilt trip.

Rachel and her sister grew up with the expectation that the items filling this family home would one day fill their own homes, including the big brown furniture. Their mother made them swear they'd never get rid of these items that, in her mind, were priceless and irreplaceable. So, for years, Rachel and her sister were on a never-ending guilt trip.

Fast forward, and the sisters’ homes have indeed become orphanages for the big brown furniture and knickknacks that their mother passed down. But guess what? Guilt be darned - the sisters are fed up! The time has come for them to unload the stuff of generations past to homes where families will cherish the pieces of their mother’s estate that simply do not fit with their own lifestyles.

The sisters’ homes have become orphanages for the big brown furniture and knickknacks that their mother passed down.

We can all do better for the next generation.

What if we skip the proverbial guilt trip we create by unloading our stuff on our family, intentionally or not, and instead make a plan that will allow everyone to enjoy a trip down memory lane instead? At AfterLight, Rachel guides her clients down these planning paths every day. In honor of Make-A-Will Month this August, read on to learn some ins and outs that may help you on your way.

Ellen Goodwin: I imagine that based on that fun introduction to our conversation, people can easily picture you and your family in good ol’ southern U.S.A. And that’s really important context for our readers. Our family relationships as well as the types of ‘stuff’ we tend to collect and pass down as family heirlooms often differs by region.

Rachel Donnelly: Even though dealing with it was quite burdensome, I feel so fortunate to have had this family home as part of my childhood. This home was beloved by generations of my family and was full of so much history. The town in which the home was located was referred to as the "Utopia of Temperance," as it was a planned community where alcohol (aka the Devil's Drink) was strictly prohibited and any trace of liquor would lead to the property's confiscation by the city. Well, if walls could speak, they'd have tales to tell! I've always cherished the stories behind the various items in the house and what they symbolized in our heritage. My grandmother was an incredible cook and one of my prized possessions is her index box of recipes.

Goodwin: What is universal in life is loss. And you are at the very forefront of helping people in modern times get through the planning and after-loss realities. It’s complex! Please help our readers understand the “why” and “what” of AfterLight.

Donnelly: I like to say I received an immersive MDA (Master of Death Administration). After my own experiences with loss, including the death of my parents, and serving as the primary caregiver for and eventual executor of my uncle’s estate, I struggled to manage all the unavoidable administrative tasks that accompany aging, end-of-life, and after loss.

It can take over 500 hours of effort and 100+ tasks for an executor to settle an estate. And executors are expected to complete these tasks, which are for the most part ones they have never done before, all while trying to grieve, work, take care of their family and/or prioritize their mental health.

I searched for help with the tasks, paperwork and logistics in the weeks and months after my losses but struggled with where to turn. I experienced this struggle personally and noticed that there was a gap in the market of businesses meeting this need.

They say that need is the mother of invention, … At AfterLight, our goal is to provide overwhelmed executors with practical, personalized support. We’re on a mission to help the living deal with dying, fostering lighter hearts and lighter loads. AfterLight assists clients in managing the unavoidable administrative tasks associated with after loss and legacy planning. Whether you’re facing an unexpected loss or want to prepare your legacy so your family can grieve in peace and settle your affairs with ease, AfterLight is the answer to your overwhelm.

After my own experiences with loss, [...] I struggled to manage all the unavoidable administrative tasks that accompany aging, end-of-life, and after loss.

Goodwin: An interesting parallel between your work at AfterLight and the act of Artifcting is that both are about human behavior and habits. If we want better outcomes, we have to take steps proactively to do something about it, whatever the “it” is. What do you find are the one or two most challenging steps for people to take in terms of planning and preparedness?

Donnelly: In my opinion, the primary challenge is our discomfort with the fact that we know how this ends – i.e., that we’re all going to die someday. Therefore, many people avoid thinking about it or taking action, as though doing so might somehow become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The second challenge is that organizing one's affairs can be overwhelmingly complex, because people don’t really understand how it works and therefore, it's easy to be unaware of all of the steps they need to take to not leave a flaming dumpster fire for their family. Along the same vein, legacy planning is often filled with misconceptions. I've come across various attitudes, from "My kids are smart, they'll figure it out," to "My estate isn't significant enough to warrant planning," or even "I'll be dead and won't care."

I've come across various attitudes, from "My kids are smart, they'll figure it out," to "My estate isn't significant enough to warrant planning," or even "I'll be dead and won't care."

Goodwin: So, it is Make-a-Will month. Obviously, some people don’t even have wills (yet), while others simply need to update their wills. But there are also those of us who have wills that check the box only. Wills can and should do more to help people through grief by very intentionally addressing legacy, memories, and even anticipated points of … ahem, contention … among family members and other heirs. In your view, how can folks take a good, better, best approach to life preparedness this month?

Donnelly: I believe that approaching life preparedness with intentionality and strategy, rather than simply treating it as a checklist of documents, leads to a more comprehensive and meaningful end-result.

When working with our clients one-on-one, we take on the roles of accountability partner, coach, and organizer. Our aim is to help our clients to explore critical questions they may not have considered, procrastinated on, or underestimated the importance of. Some of these important questions include:

- If you do have estate planning documents (such as a will, trust, financial power of attorney, and advance directives for healthcare), does your family know how to access them? Where are these documents located?
- Have you shared the unlock codes for your phone and computer with a trusted contact?
- Are your beneficiaries correctly designated and up to date?
- Do your loved ones know your funeral wishes?
- Have you communicated with your family about who will inherit specific items of personal property and when? (Hello! Get going on Artifcts!)
- There’s no better solution to convey what everything is, what it means to you and your family, and WHY you are gifting it to the person you’ve chosen.)
- Does your family have a clear understanding of your debts and assets, including a comprehensive list?

@rbdonne is a "family keeper" for family heirlooms big and small.

A vintage oak icebox and cricket cage, each brought forward through generations. Click an image to view on Artifcts.

An antique cricket cage

By addressing these questions and actively engaging in the planning process, we can each achieve a more well-rounded and thoughtful approach to securing our legacies and ensuring our loved ones are better prepared for the future. And who knows, you might even have some fun in the process, especially if you share as you go via Artifcts.

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You may also enjoy these additional ARTIcles by Artifcts:

Gift Your Loved Ones a "Why"

What Have You Done for Your Legacy Lately?

Storytellers, Beware!

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We published more than 70 ARTIcles and Press Center updates during 2024. That’s a lot of information, ideas, and inspiration flowing your way. As we sat down to look back at what most captured your interest, we saw organizing and decluttering dominating, buoyed by preparedness and support, too, from Artifcts’ new QR code stickers.

But we also see that the sentimental and emotional nature of the stuff we collect and accumulate weighs on our minds and opens us up to new approaches to help wade through the tough ‘stuff.’ We’d argue that’s why we also observed nostalgia-themed ARTIcles related to photos, sports memorabilia, and travel, rise to the top of the “most read” list, too.

Artifcts is so much more than an app. It’s a lifestyle. So these trends in what interests you here at Artifcts were extremely validating. We want to be there to help you with your stories and memories as well as the practical matters of life: What is this stuff, why does it matter, and what will I do with it next?

Whether reading for the first time or 10th, we hope you’ll enjoy this look back at the top 10 ARTIcles of 2024 and pick up a few reminders and tips along the way. Below we share excerpts from each and a link to re-read and enjoy.

#keepthememories #yourstoriesmatter #artifctthat #insurance #estateplanning

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My Family Wants Me to Tell My Stories. Help!

Feeling pressured to tell your life stories?

Has a loved one given you a questionnaire or book to write in about your life that feels like another to-do?

Are you receiving tips on how to “express yourself” or make your stories “entertaining," "thoughtful," or "compelling" and don’t really know where to begin?

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If I were to lose it or Mother Nature were to destroy it, I’d feel the pain of curiosity about my loss, but I wouldn’t be able to quantify that loss. And in all honesty, I’d get over it a lot faster than I did the destruction of... Read the full ARTIcles story.

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Get Stickered! Introducing Artifcts QR Code Stickers

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Salvaging Water Damaged Photos

The following article includes excerpts from a true story shared with Artifcts by a member of the Arti Community and republished here with permission. May their loss help your future.

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Imagine yourself in this scenario: Wildfires are approaching your home. You evacuate, taking with you your most cherished possessions, including those incredibly vulnerable photos, videos, books, and family documents. You feel relief when you place them inside a climate-controlled storage unit far outside the fire zone.

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TIME Magazine Wants You to Declutter With Artifcts

Angela Haupt, journalist with TIME magazine, featured Artifcts this week in an online article that united experts in mental health and decluttering to share tools and tactics to "kickstart a realistic decluttering routine." We especially loved this insight from our own strategic advisory board member and popular TV host Matt Paxton:

Many people struggle to declutter because they don’t want to part with items that remind them of someone or something they love, Paxton says. A simple mindset shift can make a big difference: Think of getting rid of stuff as a way of unearthing your family’s history.

A history you can then easily capture, preserve, and share here at Artifcts. Read the full story on TIME.

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Letting Go of Sentimental Items

Last fall Chris Stapleton appeared in a Sunday morning interview on NBC with Willie Geist. In a moment of reflection on the “how” of his music making, Chris pointed to a chair he’s used as he’s recorded all of his albums and said, “It’s home.”

We get sentimental about objects for that “home” feeling among other reasons, making it difficult to let go sometimes. These are the artifacts of our lives! Today, we’re sharing our green-yellow-red light approach to reevaluating your sentimental collections.

But, Reader, beware! If you are waiting for us... Read the full ARTIcles story.

You may also be interested in, Spring Cleaning: The Clothing Edition.

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2024 is now a wrap. We look forward to seeing you back here in January!

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Curious for more? Take a look back at the Top 10 ARTIcles of 2023, too.

December 18, 2024

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Why Artifcts is a Go-To Present for Caregivers and People with Dementia

I recently spent time with an Arti Community member who has dementia. As you may know, the daily routine for people with dementia is generally increasingly structured as the dementia progresses to minimize stress and paranoia and prioritize all things familiar. Schedules also help the caregiver preserve their own sanity, minimizing the “new” things in a day to juggle.

As someone relatively new to the caregiver role to someone older than myself, I found that even within the normal routine, there were traps I nearly fell into every which way I turned. When you are unaccustomed to the way the brain plays tricks as dementia progresses, it’s easy to overlook complications that someone with dementia will face with day-to-day activities.

In today’s ARTIcles story, I am using the ubiquitous smart phone as both an example and as the flashing light that showed me, a founder of Artifcts, just how special the Artifcts experience and lifestyle is for caregivers and people with dementia. It’s so much more than an app.

_____________

Everyone is attached to their phones these days like they’re a vital appendage. And unless you are leaning over someone, you are not generally privy to what they are looking at on the phone.

In the case of this Arti Community member, she was checking and clearing out her Yahoo! email. In the process, she was sometimes clicking through on emails that grabbed her attention. One such email was filled with “Friend” suggestions from Facebook. To be clear, none of these people were her friends. And based on the profile pictures and names, as well as absence of connections to other legitimate friends, they should not become her friends either.

Artifcts Offers a Warm, Safe Experience

Seeking to avoid this Facebook dilemma, I was reminded of vital attributes of Artifcts that further separate it from social media, especially for those with declining cognitive health. Artifcts means:

1. 1. No ads leading you down meaningless and potentially costly rabbit holes.
  2. No algorithm encouraging you to befriend strangers.
  3. Stories, without the story burden (pesky reminders and deadlines, irrelevant questions, and the stress of a project).
  4. An activity to do together, with in-the-moment benefits and benefits for years to come, too.

Artifcts offers you bite-sized memories and stories. Your stories and stories loved ones have shared with you. We spent over 30 minutes together inside the Artifcts app reading story after story, her stories, and stories loved ones had shared with her. The stories evoked warm, safe memories and a feeling of connection with her loved ones. She added further color commentary to some of the items in the Artifcts. “Poor, Scotty, he was always losing his fur,” she remarked about a stuffed dog she's had since she was a child.

Old black stuffed dog toy with tartan plaid jacket

Revisiting Artifcted stories was relaxing for us both, the person with dementia and the caregiver. Browsing Artifcts offered a reprieve from the demands of any schedule and of treating her like a patient.

We transitioned then from browsing Artifcts to me helping her to create a few new Artifcts for herself.

Research also supports that the art of storytelling and exercising the creative and memory parts of our brains, as when we create Artifcts, are good for our cognitive health.

Artifcts are like art, no two are the same. So while creating Artifcts can evoke positive memories, research also supports that the art of storytelling and exercising the creative and memory parts of brain, as when we create Artifcts, are good for our cognitive health. And, bonus, each Artifct we created was set up to be instantly shared with her immediate family members. Those Artifcts are like little gifts arriving in their inboxes – surprise – and become tangible evidence of time well-spent together.

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To all the caregivers out there, we see you and value all you do. We beseech you to sprinkle Artifcts into your days so you can just be husband and wife, mother and daughter, best friends – people first, patient-caregiver second. And remind yourself, every moment of the day need not be about what they need. Prioritize your health, happiness, and sanity, too!

Wishing you a merry holiday season!

P.S. In case you have not heard, AARP chose Artifcts for its 2024 Gift Guide. You can browse the complete guide here.

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by Ellen Goodwin, Artifcts

December 13, 2024

HEALTH & AGING

Hidden Stories Behind Holiday Decor

In today’s ARTIcles story, we’re taking you inside the homes of our co-founders, both of whom celebrate the winter season with Christmas trees and an abundance of ornaments. You might celebrate other holidays with a different set of traditional holiday décor, and we bet it too has stories to tell of holidays and people of years past and present.

Whether you have holiday heirlooms, family traditions, or simple merriment guiding your holiday décor, we hope you’ll remember to take a moment to create an Artifct and share a story or two with your friends and family this season.

Step Inside the Goodwin Home with Co-founder Ellen

Our tree is certainly merry and bright. The ornaments include those from my own childhood as well as those from my travels and annual “pick an ornament” outings with my daughter.

This year’s tree decorating was unique, because my parents came to visit and decorated the tree with us. As we decorated, we naturally shared stories about the ornaments. It was the chattiest our daughter was all weekend as she oohed and aahed over her ornaments and reminded us of which ones had to be placed together.

	This year’s new arrival is custom artwork from Brittany Atkinson, based in Austin, Texas. The ornament is more of an investment than usual ornaments, but I love supporting local artists. The bold design and colors definitely won my daughter’s stamp of approval.
	I have a thing for nutcrackers, they adorn our house during Christmas, and they hang on our tree, too. I wish I could find more ornaments just like this one, a gift from my mom years ago. View the Artifct ->
	My daughter insists on pairing these sweet ornaments together on the tree each year. When she picked these out, it was the only time she got two ornaments instead of one to add to the tree. She named them Autumn and Oscar. View the Artifct ->
	A few weeks before Christmas in 2012, I had surgery and was on crutches. While laid up, I had the bright idea to make these gingerbread and gold glitter cutout ornaments. Just me at home with a 2.5-year-old and really really REALLY sticky dough. What was I thinking? I’m delighted they’ve last this long. View the Artifct ->
	Sometimes I just want something classic and clean. Last year I chose a candycane design with a traditional shape made of heavy glass. It's another nice pop of color on the tree. View the Artifct ->

And Now Step Inside the Nickerson Home with Co-founder Heather

Remember the Dr. Seus book, "Oh the Places You'll Go?" Every time I see our tree, I think of that book and smile, as our tree has evolved over the years to become a memory map of the places we've been and the adventures we've had year after year. Each ornament, although decorative by default, holds a deeper meaning to us, and brings back memories from our travels near and far.

	A beaded hummingbird ornament reminds us of our girls trip to Belize with @egoody and @vgoody "way back when" the girls still thought it was cool to travel with their parents. View the Artifct ->
	Our handmade Danish felt ornaments remind us of our visits to our family in Denmark and all the adventures we've had over the years with @Jeanet_Johansen. View the Artifct ->
	One of the older ornaments on our tree, my beloved Parsa Craft ornaments from my time in Afghanistan. Each ornament is handmade from the women that make up the Parsa Craft collective in Kabul. These ornaments have managed to survive multiple moves and two golden retriever puppies. View the Artifct ->
	This one always makes me smile! When COVID hit, our travels came to a screeching halt. What to do? We hit the trails and the mountains with our trusty two-person backpacking tent. Imagine my surprise when I found a tent ornament that was an exact match to our tent. View the Artifct ->
	Last but not least, one of my favorites! @Matt and I bought this ornament after our first trip to Iceland. It is one of the heaviest ornaments on our tree, which means we spend a great deal of time each year deciding which branch it goes on lest it slips to an untimely demise. (Which is not unheard of in our house with the dog and the children!) Sorry, this Artifct is private!

Feeling inspired? Take a look around your tree, your mantle, or wherever you keep your holiday decor and pick an item to get started. Simply snap a photo, add a short story and any fun details, click save, and you're done! Got a growing collection on your hands? Create custom tags using the Tags feature to quickly sort and search through your collection. Some of our favorites this year? #Ornaments, #Holidays2024, and #Cookies!

We're preparing our ARTIcles for 2025. Have a topic you'd like us to cover? Share with us at Editor@Artifcts.com.

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December 11, 2024

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