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How Two Sisters Overcame the Guilt to Lighten the Load of Family Heirlooms

Ellen Goodwin, Artifcts
August 16, 2023

Reading time: 6 minutes

Up until a few years ago, Rachel Donnelly, founder and CEO of AfterLight, and her family owned their old family home that had been in their family since 1890. Imagine the history those walls could tell! This home, in Eastern Tennessee, was where Rachel’s great-grandparents lived, where her grandmother was born, and where her mother was raised.  
 
After Rachel’s mother died, the family made the difficult decision to sell this beloved turn-of-the-century Victorian home that was in Rachel’s words “slap full of absolutely everything from our family's life. China, silverware, crystal, knickknacks, handwritten letters, newspaper clippings, coin collections, and of course, countless pieces of big brown furniture. You name it, it was in this house.”  
 
Buckle up, ladies and gents, we're going on a guilt trip. 
 
Rachel and her sister grew up with the expectation that the items filling this family home would one day fill their own homes, including the big brown furniture. Their mother made them swear they'd never get rid of these items that, in her mind, were priceless and irreplaceable. So, for years, Rachel and her sister were on a never-ending guilt trip.  
 
Fast forward, and the sisters’ homes have indeed become orphanages for the big brown furniture and knickknacks that their mother passed down. But guess what? Guilt be darned - the sisters are fed up! The time has come for them to unload the stuff of generations past to homes where families will cherish the pieces of their mother’s estate that simply do not fit with their own lifestyles. 

The sisters’ homes have become orphanages for the big brown furniture and knickknacks that their mother passed down.

We can all do better for the next generation.
 
What if we skip the proverbial guilt trip we create by unloading our stuff on our family, intentionally or not, and instead make a plan that will allow everyone to enjoy a trip down memory lane instead? At AfterLight, Rachel guides her clients down these planning paths every day. In honor of Make-A-Will Month this August, read on to learn some ins and outs that may help you on your way.   
 
Ellen Goodwin: I imagine that based on that fun introduction to our conversation, people can easily picture you and your family in good ol’ southern U.S.A. And that’s really important context for our readers. Our family relationships as well as the types of ‘stuff’ we tend to collect and pass down as family heirlooms often differs by region. 
 
Rachel Donnelly: Even though dealing with it was quite burdensome, I feel so fortunate to have had this family home as part of my childhood. This home was beloved by generations of my family and was full of so much history. The town in which the home was located was referred to as the "Utopia of Temperance," as it was a planned community where alcohol (aka the Devil's Drink) was strictly prohibited and any trace of liquor would lead to the property's confiscation by the city. Well, if walls could speak, they'd have tales to tell! I've always cherished the stories behind the various items in the house and what they symbolized in our heritage. My grandmother was an incredible cook and one of my prized possessions is her index box of recipes.  
 
Goodwin: What is universal in life is loss. And you are at the very forefront of helping people in modern times get through the planning and after-loss realities. It’s complex! Please help our readers understand the “why” and “what” of AfterLight. 
 
Donnelly: I like to say I received an immersive MDA (Master of Death Administration). After my own experiences with loss, including the death of my parents, and serving as the primary caregiver for and eventual executor of my uncle’s estate, I struggled to manage all the unavoidable administrative tasks that accompany aging, end-of-life, and after loss.  
 
It can take over 500 hours of effort and 100+ tasks for an executor to settle an estate. And executors are expected to complete these tasks, which are for the most part ones they have never done before, all while trying to grieve, work, take care of their family and/or prioritize their mental health. 
 
I searched for help with the tasks, paperwork and logistics in the weeks and months after my losses but struggled with where to turn. I experienced this struggle personally and noticed that there was a gap in the market of businesses meeting this need. 
 
They say that need is the mother of invention, … At AfterLight, our goal is to provide overwhelmed executors with practical, personalized support. We’re on a mission to help the living deal with dying, fostering lighter hearts and lighter loads. AfterLight assists clients in managing the unavoidable administrative tasks associated with after loss and legacy planning. Whether you’re facing an unexpected loss or want to prepare your legacy so your family can grieve in peace and settle your affairs with ease, AfterLight is the answer to your overwhelm. 

After my own experiences with loss, [...] I struggled to manage all the unavoidable administrative tasks that accompany aging, end-of-life, and after loss.

Goodwin: An interesting parallel between your work at AfterLight and the act of Artifcting is that both are about human behavior and habits. If we want better outcomes, we have to take steps proactively to do something about it, whatever the “it” is. What do you find are the one or two most challenging steps for people to take in terms of planning and preparedness? 
 
Donnelly: In my opinion, the primary challenge is our discomfort with the fact that we know how this ends – i.e., that we’re all going to die someday. Therefore, many people avoid thinking about it or taking action, as though doing so might somehow become a self-fulfilling prophecy. 
 
The second challenge is that organizing one's affairs can be overwhelmingly complex, because people don’t really understand how it works and therefore, it's easy to be unaware of all of the steps they need to take to not leave a flaming dumpster fire for their family. Along the same vein, legacy planning is often filled with misconceptions. I've come across various attitudes, from "My kids are smart, they'll figure it out," to "My estate isn't significant enough to warrant planning," or even "I'll be dead and won't care."

I've come across various attitudes, from "My kids are smart, they'll figure it out," to "My estate isn't significant enough to warrant planning," or even "I'll be dead and won't care."

Goodwin: So, it is Make-a-Will month. Obviously, some people don’t even have wills (yet), while others simply need to update their wills. But there are also those of us who have wills that check the box only. Wills can and should do more to help people through grief by very intentionally addressing legacy, memories, and even anticipated points of … ahem, contention … among family members and other heirs. In your view, how can folks take a good, better, best approach to life preparedness this month? 
 
Donnelly: I believe that approaching life preparedness with intentionality and strategy, rather than simply treating it as a checklist of documents, leads to a more comprehensive and meaningful end-result. 
 
When working with our clients one-on-one, we take on the roles of accountability partner, coach, and organizer. Our aim is to help our clients to explore critical questions they may not have considered, procrastinated on, or underestimated the importance of. Some of these important questions include:

    • If you do have estate planning documents (such as a will, trust, financial power of attorney, and advance directives for healthcare), does your family know how to access them? Where are these documents located?
    • Have you shared the unlock codes for your phone and computer with a trusted contact?
    • Are your beneficiaries correctly designated and up to date?
    • Do your loved ones know your funeral wishes?
    • Have you communicated with your family about who will inherit specific items of personal property and when? (Hello! Get going on Artifcts!)
    • There’s no better solution to convey what everything is, what it means to you and your family, and WHY you are gifting it to the person you’ve chosen.)
    • Does your family have a clear understanding of your debts and assets, including a comprehensive list?

@rbdonne is a "family keeper" for family heirlooms big and small.

Vintage oak icebox by stairwell in modern home

 
 
 
 
A vintage oak icebox and cricket cage, each brought forward through generations. Click an image to view on Artifcts.

An antique cricket cage

By addressing these questions and actively engaging in the planning process, we can each achieve a more well-rounded and thoughtful approach to securing our legacies and ensuring our loved ones are better prepared for the future. And who knows, you might even have some fun in the process, especially if you share as you go via Artifcts.

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You may also enjoy these additional ARTIcles by Artifcts:

Gift Your Loved Ones a "Why"

What Have You Done for Your Legacy Lately?

Storytellers, Beware!

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© 2023 Artifcts, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

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Your Future Family Heirlooms

What is a family heirloom other than some object that someone decided was important in some way and decided to keep it and pass it along to another family member. That’s it. For what it’s worth, Webster’s dictionary agrees with us – and it all hinges on the word “special.” 

: something of special value handed down from one generation to another

No one ever said family heirlooms have to be financially valuable or historically significant.  

A family member might have an inkling that an heirloom carries with it some history. But then again, even if so, how will you gain access to that history? Usually it’s a conversation, a sticky note, a journal that’s also hopefully passed along. We can do better. We need to do better. 

Artifcts and Heirlooms Go Hand-in-Hand 

Each Artifct you create carries the potential of heirloom status. How you may ask? Many ways, including: 

By creating awareness that this object even exists, or that it has some interesting origin or story, you increase the probability someone will care about it and claim it as their own. It’s no longer just ‘stuff.’  

One of our Artifcts members thought her china set was doomed for the Goodwill bin. However, when she Artifcted it and shared the story with her family, she had children and grandchildren eagerly offering to take it off her hands. Why? Because it wasn't simply a china set that she had received as a wedding gift as long assumed. No, it was a set she purchased while stationed overseas in sub-Saharan Africa as a newlywed under instruction from the US Ambassador that, "Martha, you need a china set for 12 because you are going to start hosting diplomatic dinners." Who would have thought!

Because it wasn't simply a china set that she had received as a wedding gift as long assumed

By serving as a unique digital asset, a digital heirloom. Someday, your loved ones can inherit your Artifcts collection and the stories, memories, and more captured in each Artifct will live on. If you haven't already done so, simply designate your primary and secondary legacy contacts for your Artifcts account to ensure your heirlooms live on for generations to come. 

By creating new family heirlooms from existing ones. One of the earliest examples of this that we saw here at Artifcts was Grandmom's rolls recipe from the early 1900s that was reborn and brought out for everyday enjoyment when engraved in her mother's handwriting on a cutting board.  

One of our favorite tips for Artifcting future family heirlooms is to include a photo of a family member using, wearing, or otherwise enjoying the heirloom-to-be. It helps connect the dots between the object and your loved one, and adds context and visuals to the story or lore. 

What family heirlooms are you the keeper of? Do you have many? Artifct them today to ensure those heirlooms and their stories make it to the next generation. 

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Heirlooms on your mind? You might enjoy these related ARTIcles by Artifcts: 

Gift Your Loved Ones a Why

Estate Planning of Things

How to Artifct Family History and Heirlooms

Grandma’s Secret, Not-So-Secret, Coin Collection

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© 2025 Artifcts, Inc. All Rights Reserved. 

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Family History Month ... Your Way!

We’ve all heard the expression “greeting card holiday,” sometimes even used against one of your personal favorites. So many love-hate relationships out there with national days for everything from your dog to your sibling to coffee and doughnuts.  

Then there are the months generally preserved for themes of broad societal significance, like heart health, black history, hispanic heritage, and even family history. Hello October, and hello Family History Month!

This October we’re sharing a few ideas from the Artifcts Community to help even those of you who may think you have no interest in family history to find some value in a month dedicated to exactly that. Use the month as an excuse or opportunity to get to know and capture your own family history and legacy a bit better.

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Hello, Family Genealogists (And Those In the Making)

An Artifcts community member once lamented to us, “I’ve spent so much time and money researching all of this history, and I have the files, but I really haven’t taken that next step to share with my extended or even immediate family. Without me they’d have to start over.”  

And then she told us that all her research is locked up behind a subscription-paywall. Hmmm. If you can relate, here are some tips to help ensure your family history is not lost to the next generation: 

  • Purchase a second research subscription for someone who can pick up the research alongside you to carry it forward to the next generation. Guide them through the myriad of resources online and through special archives and libraries as well as in your own family collection. If you have a tech-savvy grandchild in the family, this may be the perfect way to spur intergenerational connection AND keep the family history/research going. 
  • Take a class or catch a speaker! You can find a plethora of them by searching online or go local. Check your library, community center, museums, or local genealogical society for special events this month (and beyond). Confernce Keeper has a wonderful listing of genealogy related conferences and events, a lot of them for free too. Share what you learn with your family and friends. 
  • Create a family videography to highlight key moments in your family’s history, roles family members have played in historical events, and the modern-day family branches. For beautiful, professional videographies, we adore Lori and her team at Whole Story Productions.  
  • Self-publish a book(let) to document your research findings in black and white. Distribute during a family reunion, taking preorders (and payments) ahead of time. If you need an assist in your family history, we recommend our partner at Legacy Tree Genealogists
  • At Artifcts you can share the family history behind old photos, cherished heirlooms, even Grandma's china! Your family members need not be Artifcts members to view the Artifcts you share with them. Want to make sharing your Artifcts with your family even easier? Create family invite-only circles for easy group sharing, and off you go! We recommend using a special tag like #NickersonFamilyAssociation to easily sort your collection. Some of genealogists at Artifcts also use the ‘Location’ field when they create an Artifct to list a URL or folder path where additional information is stored. 

Memorable Family Dinners, Recipes, and More

You’ve been away from home for months or years, you return, and as you walk in the door, dinner is on, and you get that first smell of your favorite dish. Do you have the recipe? Who came up with it? Do you know the key steps? Special or secret ingredients?  

Some family favorites are born directly out of the original farm-to-table concept, before it was so hip, and those origins become a key part of the family recipe story. You grew potatoes and found a million ways to prepare them. You had fresh citrus, wild asparagus, or vibrant rhubarb all around you, and the specialties of your youth reflect it. Capture that history! 

  • Start a virtual family dinner club. You could create a group online to swap recipes or go a step further and once a month someone is the virtual host. Send the recipe ahead (as an Artifct!) so everyone has the ingredients on hand. Then run your own cooking show and enjoy the meal together after. 
  • Collaborate on a special family recipe cookbook. Ask each member of your family to contribute their favorite recipe AND the story behind it. How did it come into your family? Are there any secret ingredients? Who made or makes it best?  Create a cookbook that builds all the family history and the stories that go with those recipes. You’d be surprised, but even one generation removed, family members will start to lose track of the details never mind the actual ingredients or instructions. 
  • At Artifcts recipes, cookbooks, and treasured kitchen objects come alive through stories and histories, but also with supplementary video and audio snippets. Artifct your favorite recipes, add a video snippet of a crucial step, and share with your family. Our co-founder Heather Artifcted her mother's cranberry sauce AND included a video to show her teenage daughter how to know when you've got a good batch of cranberries. 

Share the History

The reality is not all families have a family keeper, that person who by choice or default holds onto the heirlooms, photos, recipes, and slew of documents that represent generations of a family’s history. Or maybe you are the last keeper or recent inheritor of all this family history and are thinking, “Now what? I really don’t want this stuff.” 

There’s a second reality that is important to recognize: family history is not only family history. Sometimes family history is part of local, national, or even global history. It offers clues to key figures, ways of living, and the social, political, and religious practices of a place in time. So, consider sharing pieces of your family history with the world through donations. 

  • Philanthropic donations. Consider galleries, libraries, research centers, foundations, and museums with specialties that may overlap with your items. Donations are not necessarily only in the realm of inherently valuable objects. Often, you guessed it, the story behind the object is the key. Don’t know the story either? That’s okay. Reach out to an institution, share your items, and give them the opportunity to tell you!  
  • Archival donations. Transform your personal family history into elements of a shared community history by offering your items to professional archives. What types of items might fit this category? As a starter: original works of fiction or non-fiction; scrapbooks, journals, letters, and diaries; original business materials (certificates, advertising, shares, board documents, voting records); media (photographs, slides, film, even websites too). You can learn more at the Society of American Archivists
  • At Artifcts, before you donate, Artifct the items to retain the family lore and history that’s relevant to you, and then share with family. Make sure no one else is interested in the item before you donate it, and attach any documentation related to your donation to the Aritfct. You can then rest easy knowing your family’s history will be in the capable professional hands of institutions that will preserve and protect them for generations to come. 

Let's Talk Wills and Legacy

Hear us out. Wills may be about death, but they are also all about easing the burden on those we leave behind. We all too frequently ignore the items we've collected over time. And, no, they will not sort themselves into piles to sell, donate, or bequeath. First someone must go through it all, a family member or two, or maybe a specialist hired to help. And in the end, someone will have to make 1000s of decisions about what becomes of every single item. Do you really want to leave a burden as your legacy? 

Wouldn’t you rather everyone be better prepared and informed? Not only will making a plan and creating documents make it easier for your family to pick up the pieces, but they can also help loved ones understand why you valued the items you are leaving behind. We've got some tips to help:

(Dramatically) Simplified checklist: 

  • Don’t have a Will? There are many wonderful estate planning attorneys in each community who can help you with this process. But this is an industry transformed by the digital revolution, and then some. If you are looking for a digital, self-guided approach, check out our fellow AARP AgeTech Collaborative partners at Trust & Will.   
  • Haven’t really seen your Will in a while? Give it a checkup. There's no time like the present. Add it to your to-do list this month! 
  • Confirm: Are the major themes covered?  
        • Estate 
        • Minor children 
        • Relatives with disabilities 
        • Retirement 
        • Powers of Attorney 
        • Living Will 
        • Stewardship of digital assets (profiles, accounts, photos, web pages, etc.) 
  • Is there a list of tangible assets referenced in your Will? Your Will may provide for a separate “Memorandum” that can be updated and changed at any time without making any changes to your Will.  
        • No list? Start. Just take a first cut by looking around the house (or your Artifcts collection!). 
        • Already have a list? Double check that it covers at least those items of greatest financial or heart (sentimental) value. 
  • At Artifcts, pick three or four of your most treasured items to Artifct and let your loved ones know why each item matters to you. Use the "In the Future" field to think through and record what you would like to happen to this item one day. Will it be passed down? Rehomed? Sold? Consider sharing the Artifct with your estate planner or attorney to list with other tangible assets referenced in your Will.   

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Artifcting Starter Resources 

We have all sorts of helpful resources that we want to be sure you know about to take the pressure off and let the fun begin: 

Inspiration Checklists

Videos on YouTube

Artifcting Quick Tips

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© 2025 Artifcts, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

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My Photos, My Memories

Feeling overwhelmed by your ever-increasing digital photo collection? Not sure what to do with the boxes and boxes of physical photos you’ve either collected or inherited over the years?  

Chances are you are not alone. We take photos to capture a memory or moment in time. We keep photos not because of the actual photo (except in rare circumstances) but because of the memories and emotions they evoke.  

This leaves most of us with an ever-growing collection of photos, some of which take up valuable space in our homes, and others that take up valuable space on our devices. It also leaves us with a lot of snapshots in time, but very few documented memories, stories, and the like for our loved ones.  

As we wrap up Save Your Photos Month, we’d like to propose a challenge—over the next five days, pick a photo a day and Artifct it along with the story, memory, and maybe even the reason WHY you love that photo.  

Over the next five days, pick a photo a day and Artifct it along with the story, memory, and maybe even the reason WHY you love that photo

You don’t need to have a paid Artifcts account to take part in this challenge—anyone, anywhere can join. Sign up for free today and get Artifcting! We all have photos and memories worth preserving. 

You also don’t need to overthink it. Five photos. Five stories. Five pieces of you that are now documented and preserved for generations to come.  

After looking at her own post-move mess of photos, frames, boxes, and a soon-to-be collection of 15,000 digital photos, our co-founder Heather decided to give it a go. Her photos, her memories.  

My Favorite Childhood Photo 

This photo has survived more moves than I can count. It’s one of my favorite childhood photos—I have no recollection of the moment, but it always makes me smile.  

 

Dad & Me. Age 3. Click to view the Artifct. 

I can feel the late Fall sunlight, smell the salt air, and remember the stone step to my childhood home, Briar Bog Farm. My father’s LL Bean flannel shirts, and my purple overalls. I always wore those overalls. Purple was my favorite color after all.  

I shared this Artifct with my daughter and her first response (via text) was, “OMG we look so much alike!” Her second response was, “I didn’t know you liked purple.” And her third, “Did I have a pair of purple overalls when I was younger?” Before I could answer I got the “GTG don’t want to be late for class.” One photo shared, one memory saved, and a new story made. 

You Surfed?!? 

Yes, I surfed. Way back when you could still barter blueberry muffins for a surf lesson or two and a ride out to Cisco Beach in a beat-up Ford van.  

 

Surfing and surfboard photos. Click to view the Artifct

It was the summer between my sophomore and junior years in college. I was working three jobs (bar tending, tutoring, and nannying) but it did not matter. I lived to surf. Any and every free moment was spent on the beach, surfboard in tow. I would (and often did) gladly sacrifice sleep for surfing.  

I smile every time I see these photos. They are a snapshot in time of a crazy, wonderful, totally unexpectedly perfect summer.  

And Miles to Go Before I Sleep 

This is one of the few photos I have printed and framed over the past ten years. My daughter and dear spouse have even asked on occassion when I was planning to replace the stock photo that came with the frame for a “real” photo. 

Sorry to disappoint, but this is the “real” photo. It’s one my favorite spots in the White Mountains, a boardwalk passage across a high-altitude swamp along the Zealand Falls Trail. 

 

And Miles to Go Before I Sleep. Click to view Artifct

Growing up, Robert Frost’s poetry was a constant companion. Whether out for a walk or repairing the paddock fences, there was always a quote or two at hand. Whereas some children are drilled in their ABCs and 123s, I was drilled in verses of one of New England’s most celebrated poets.  

I printed and framed this photo because (1) I love the majestic beauty of the White Mountains, and (2) it is a constant reminder that I have “miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep.” It’s my little reminder to myself that like any good hiking trail, life is best taken one step at a time.  

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun 

This is a private Artifct, and for good reason! The stories, the memories, and the laughs. Always the laughs.  

 

Go Caps! Sorry, this Artifct is private. 

The photo though is one of my all-time favorites. I framed it the moment I got it, and that framed photo has graced every desk I’ve had since, pre-COVID and post-COVID. My daughter recently took a good look at it while helping me unpack and said, “Wow, you and Aunt G still look exactly the same!” That in and of itself made me smile.  

She then wanted to know the story behind the photo, hence one of my newest Artifcts. She knew it was me and Aunt G in the photo, but she didn’t know the story or even where the photo was taken. Small moments create bigger memories. 

Marry Me?  

This too is going to remain a private Artifct, but the photo is worth a thousand words. And yes, there are a thousand-plus words in the Artifct to back it up.  

Do you have one of those photos that makes you smile every time you see it? That it puts you in a good move no matter what? That’s what this photo does for me.  

 

Marry Me? Sorry, this Artifct is private.

It was taken the afternoon my now-husband proposed. We were in Telluride for the Blue Grass Festival. He proposed earlier that morning while out on a hike. I was so surprised it took me a moment to answer.  

After I said yes, he wanted to know what I thought he was going to ask. I told him, “I thought you were going to ask if I was hungry and if I wanted pizza!” Well, this photo was taken post-hike and post-pizza, right before we settled into our spots for another night of amazing bluegrass music with the San Juan Mountains as our backdrop.  

Like my favorite childhood photo, I can still feel the sunlight hit my face every time I look at this photo.  

Your Turn! 

Which five photos will you choose to Artifct this week? What five stories will you tell, what five memories will you share?  

Remember, don’t over think it. If you’re not sure where to start, look at your framed photos. Chances are they are framed for a reason! Still stuck for inspiration? Check out our Rescue Those Photos! checklist for some ideas to help you get started.  You can also check out our tips on How-To Artifct That Photo

Remember, photos can’t talk, but you can. Start telling your story today. 

 

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© 2025 Artifcts, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

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