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CONVERSATION, LEGACY, PLANNING & MORE, GENEALOGY & FAMILY HISTORY

How Two Sisters Overcame the Guilt to Lighten the Load of Family Heirlooms

Ellen Goodwin, Artifcts

August 16, 2023

Reading time: 6 minutes

Up until a few years ago, Rachel Donnelly, founder and CEO of AfterLight, and her family owned their old family home that had been in their family since 1890. Imagine the history those walls could tell! This home, in Eastern Tennessee, was where Rachel’s great-grandparents lived, where her grandmother was born, and where her mother was raised. 

After Rachel’s mother died, the family made the difficult decision to sell this beloved turn-of-the-century Victorian home that was in Rachel’s words “slap full of absolutely everything from our family's life. China, silverware, crystal, knickknacks, handwritten letters, newspaper clippings, coin collections, and of course, countless pieces of big brown furniture. You name it, it was in this house.” 

Buckle up, ladies and gents, we're going on a guilt trip.

Rachel and her sister grew up with the expectation that the items filling this family home would one day fill their own homes, including the big brown furniture. Their mother made them swear they'd never get rid of these items that, in her mind, were priceless and irreplaceable. So, for years, Rachel and her sister were on a never-ending guilt trip.

Fast forward, and the sisters’ homes have indeed become orphanages for the big brown furniture and knickknacks that their mother passed down. But guess what? Guilt be darned - the sisters are fed up! The time has come for them to unload the stuff of generations past to homes where families will cherish the pieces of their mother’s estate that simply do not fit with their own lifestyles.

The sisters’ homes have become orphanages for the big brown furniture and knickknacks that their mother passed down.

We can all do better for the next generation.

What if we skip the proverbial guilt trip we create by unloading our stuff on our family, intentionally or not, and instead make a plan that will allow everyone to enjoy a trip down memory lane instead? At AfterLight, Rachel guides her clients down these planning paths every day. In honor of Make-A-Will Month this August, read on to learn some ins and outs that may help you on your way.

Ellen Goodwin: I imagine that based on that fun introduction to our conversation, people can easily picture you and your family in good ol’ southern U.S.A. And that’s really important context for our readers. Our family relationships as well as the types of ‘stuff’ we tend to collect and pass down as family heirlooms often differs by region.

Rachel Donnelly: Even though dealing with it was quite burdensome, I feel so fortunate to have had this family home as part of my childhood. This home was beloved by generations of my family and was full of so much history. The town in which the home was located was referred to as the "Utopia of Temperance," as it was a planned community where alcohol (aka the Devil's Drink) was strictly prohibited and any trace of liquor would lead to the property's confiscation by the city. Well, if walls could speak, they'd have tales to tell! I've always cherished the stories behind the various items in the house and what they symbolized in our heritage. My grandmother was an incredible cook and one of my prized possessions is her index box of recipes.

Goodwin: What is universal in life is loss. And you are at the very forefront of helping people in modern times get through the planning and after-loss realities. It’s complex! Please help our readers understand the “why” and “what” of AfterLight.

Donnelly: I like to say I received an immersive MDA (Master of Death Administration). After my own experiences with loss, including the death of my parents, and serving as the primary caregiver for and eventual executor of my uncle’s estate, I struggled to manage all the unavoidable administrative tasks that accompany aging, end-of-life, and after loss.

It can take over 500 hours of effort and 100+ tasks for an executor to settle an estate. And executors are expected to complete these tasks, which are for the most part ones they have never done before, all while trying to grieve, work, take care of their family and/or prioritize their mental health.

I searched for help with the tasks, paperwork and logistics in the weeks and months after my losses but struggled with where to turn. I experienced this struggle personally and noticed that there was a gap in the market of businesses meeting this need.

They say that need is the mother of invention, … At AfterLight, our goal is to provide overwhelmed executors with practical, personalized support. We’re on a mission to help the living deal with dying, fostering lighter hearts and lighter loads. AfterLight assists clients in managing the unavoidable administrative tasks associated with after loss and legacy planning. Whether you’re facing an unexpected loss or want to prepare your legacy so your family can grieve in peace and settle your affairs with ease, AfterLight is the answer to your overwhelm.

After my own experiences with loss, [...] I struggled to manage all the unavoidable administrative tasks that accompany aging, end-of-life, and after loss.

Goodwin: An interesting parallel between your work at AfterLight and the act of Artifcting is that both are about human behavior and habits. If we want better outcomes, we have to take steps proactively to do something about it, whatever the “it” is. What do you find are the one or two most challenging steps for people to take in terms of planning and preparedness?

Donnelly: In my opinion, the primary challenge is our discomfort with the fact that we know how this ends – i.e., that we’re all going to die someday. Therefore, many people avoid thinking about it or taking action, as though doing so might somehow become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The second challenge is that organizing one's affairs can be overwhelmingly complex, because people don’t really understand how it works and therefore, it's easy to be unaware of all of the steps they need to take to not leave a flaming dumpster fire for their family. Along the same vein, legacy planning is often filled with misconceptions. I've come across various attitudes, from "My kids are smart, they'll figure it out," to "My estate isn't significant enough to warrant planning," or even "I'll be dead and won't care."

I've come across various attitudes, from "My kids are smart, they'll figure it out," to "My estate isn't significant enough to warrant planning," or even "I'll be dead and won't care."

Goodwin: So, it is Make-a-Will month. Obviously, some people don’t even have wills (yet), while others simply need to update their wills. But there are also those of us who have wills that check the box only. Wills can and should do more to help people through grief by very intentionally addressing legacy, memories, and even anticipated points of … ahem, contention … among family members and other heirs. In your view, how can folks take a good, better, best approach to life preparedness this month?

Donnelly: I believe that approaching life preparedness with intentionality and strategy, rather than simply treating it as a checklist of documents, leads to a more comprehensive and meaningful end-result.

When working with our clients one-on-one, we take on the roles of accountability partner, coach, and organizer. Our aim is to help our clients to explore critical questions they may not have considered, procrastinated on, or underestimated the importance of. Some of these important questions include:

- If you do have estate planning documents (such as a will, trust, financial power of attorney, and advance directives for healthcare), does your family know how to access them? Where are these documents located?
- Have you shared the unlock codes for your phone and computer with a trusted contact?
- Are your beneficiaries correctly designated and up to date?
- Do your loved ones know your funeral wishes?
- Have you communicated with your family about who will inherit specific items of personal property and when? (Hello! Get going on Artifcts!)
- There’s no better solution to convey what everything is, what it means to you and your family, and WHY you are gifting it to the person you’ve chosen.)
- Does your family have a clear understanding of your debts and assets, including a comprehensive list?

@rbdonne is a "family keeper" for family heirlooms big and small.

A vintage oak icebox and cricket cage, each brought forward through generations. Click an image to view on Artifcts.

An antique cricket cage

By addressing these questions and actively engaging in the planning process, we can each achieve a more well-rounded and thoughtful approach to securing our legacies and ensuring our loved ones are better prepared for the future. And who knows, you might even have some fun in the process, especially if you share as you go via Artifcts.

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You may also enjoy these additional ARTIcles by Artifcts:

Gift Your Loved Ones a "Why"

What Have You Done for Your Legacy Lately?

Storytellers, Beware!

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What's New at Artifcts

Every Room Has a Story: Bathroom Edition

Reading time: 3 minutes

Welcome to the third in our series of the stories of your living spaces: Your bathroom. The first room we visited was the living room. We went for gold, tackling what we think is the most difficult space first. You likely spend a lot of time there as do guests to your home, upping the pressure.

Then we stepped into the delightful chaos of kids' rooms. So many "core memories"—wink and a nod to all of you "Inside Out" fans—standing between you and a decluttered space. And we all know how much easier it is to find 'stuff' and how much more likely 'stuff' is to get used if it's not an energy zapping, overwhelming chaotic situation.

Today we’re moving on to the bathroom, which in turn we think is the simplest space to tackle. And our guest from this spring's Evenings with Artifcts, Zoë Kim of Raising Simple, agrees. The bathroom is the room most likely to have the least number of sentimental objects within, making it simpler to declutter. It’s also simpler to declutter because much of what you keep in there has an expiration date or is naturally used up!

Watch the full Evenings with Artifcts event with Zoë on YouTube.

Stories & Your Bathroom

Hear us out. We know that strictly speaking, bathrooms are about utility first and possibly refuge second, as in the cliche, “Found crying in the bathroom.” We also signal “refuge” when we install the finest shower heads and bathtubs our imaginations have invented to help us relax. Relaxation is surely a top reason for decorators to focus on creating calm in the bathroom.

If you are seeking calm and relaxation, is it only about color schemes and relaxation potions? Let's talk about the overlooked “why” of the ‘stuff’ in your loo: Why we have the items we do, what they mean to us, why we keep them, and ultimately for some things, what we want others to know about them.

1. Don’t be shocked, knickknacks live in the bathroom, too. Perfume bottles that are essentially empty, hair clips from an evening event a decade ago, and thingamabobbers with a singular use that you never actually took up (sort of like exercise equipment), such as facial rollers, hair irons, and miracle machines and patches that solve headaches and body aches.

Sneaky sentimentality can be in play here, too. Did that scent remind you of a special time or person? Did you wear that hair clip with a particular dress on a particular evening? Will you use these again? Are these and items like them taking up an increasingly large volume of space you cannot afford? Does anyone know why these items are special to you? Snap a pic, take a selfie-style video, and Artifct that. Place it all in a box. Come back to it in 30 days. Can you let it go?

Our co-founder Ellen surprised herself when she realized that of course she has a sentimental item stashed away in her bathroom, she sees it daily: A now 24-year-old makeup brush from Face Stockholm.

long, skinny makeup brush

“I was studying abroad in Sweden, and we loved going to Stockholm on weekends. Everything was sort of out-of-reach expensive for college students, so we mostly window shopped. We were in a make up shop, a lot like today’s Sephora empire, and I settled on buying just the brush. Crazy to think it’s still there; I see it daily, and it makes me smile."

2. Walls. They don’t have to be just for towels and cabinets. Do you include art on yours, humidity tolerant art, that is? It’s funny how a glimpse of something positive, art you love, a photo of a group of friends or scene from your childhood home, can help you take down that heart rate a notch.

Lavez les mains in blue font

You could easily flip that on its head, too. A half-bath is a great place for a splash of humor on a wall in the form of art or a nicely arrayed collection. Distraction plus humor, why not?

All that said, if every time you look at that ‘stuff’ on the wall you feel annoyed – it's no longer your style, it’s fraying or warping, it was a hand-me-down you felt compelled to hang somewhere – take it down! Don’t let these feelings haunt you. If you truly feel guilty, Artifct That. It will do you good.

3. Function for the win. Above all else, obviously a bathroom is about function. If you have not made room for spare toilet paper, a drying rack big enough and tough enough for your day-to-day towels, swimsuits or whatever else you don’t want to get musty, tackle it first. Take the stress out for you and others that need to use that room.

True story: A friend came to visit. The new washcloths laid out were a beautiful plush white like in a hotel. The friend was stressed out by the towels and avoided using them for fear of staining them with makeup. Think before you buy. Comfort first!

4. Nature belongs here, too. The simplest way to bring in a bit of the feng sui advised natural components is to wrap string at the end of a bundle of eucalyptus and hang it from your showerhead. A pop of color and what many find to be a relaxing scent too. If the story you’ve created to encompass this space is relaxation, go for the eucalyptus.

What stories will you uncover? Send them in to us at Editor@Artifcts.com or join the conversation on Instagram (@TheArtiLife) or Facebook (@Artifcts). We'd be delighted to hear from you!

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Check out other "Every Room Has a Story" ARTIcles by Artifcts:

Living Room

Kid's Room

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July 24, 2024

DECLUTTERING & ORGANIZING

Have Passport. Willing to Travel.

Reading time: 4 minutes

With summer travel on our minds, we had some fun recently looking up basic US passport facts available from the U.S. Department of State, Bureau of Consular Affairs, which is the issuing authority for U.S. passports:

- - There are approximately 160 million active US passports, including US territories. There’s some double counting in there for those with a passport book and card, but you get a sense of scale when we have a total population of roughly 340 million.
  - A state-by-state look at new passports issued as a percentage of each state’s population (est. July 2023) really got our attention. Top of the pile: Washington D.C., New Jersey, Massachusetts, Hawaii, and New York. States with the most subdued interest in new passports: West Virginia, Mississippi, Arkansas, Alabama, and Kentucky.
  - Despite all the changes that COVID brought to travel, valid dates for those passports remain unchanged. A child’s passport is still good for 5 years, an adult’s for 10. Makes sense, too. Children under 16 years of age surely change a lot more, on average, than we adults do. And, let’s face it, this probably makes many adults happy if they prefer a younger them in their official passport photo.

Why do we care about passports at Artifcts? Clearly we’re not alone based on the numbers! And talking about the first trip you took on a new passport is a lot more fun than talking about the weather or the latest highway construction project! How old were you? Where did you go? HOW did it go? Scratch that, ask about a first or most recent trip on any passport. Think how different you and your life were 10 years ago and what was guiding you to pick one travel destination over another.

Your passport stamps and visas can unlock so many memories and stories.

Our co-founder Ellen got her first passport to study abroad in Sweden during her junior year of undergraduate studies. Contrast that to her most recent passport which she first used to travel to Israel to speak on a conference panel about technology innovation and human legacy.

In contrast, our other co-founder, Heather, got her first passport to travel to France to study abroad her sophomore year in high school. Her most recent passport stamp? Well, she’s currently mid-trip in the Bahamas, accompanying her husband on his work trip and wrangling brownouts and bugs as she works remote. Oh the stories (and the Artifcts)!

Artifct That Passport!

We have a robust “How to Artifct {fill in the blank}” series that we’ve published over the years. We highly recommend putting it to the test as you Artifct.

Today we’re expanding that series with our best tips to preserve your passports and the memories they hold. Why would you Artifct your passport? To remember and re-live and share all those great and not-so-great travel memories—come on, who has had PERFECT travel and no horror stories to share?

Artifcting passports also makes it easy to pull up trip details to repeat those travels down the road or share with a friend who plans to travel to the same destination. No losing that information in Google Docs, email, or hardcopy only.

See, Artifcts are both everything you can wish for in capturing your stories and memories and incredibly practical, too!

Here's your recipe for Artifcting passports:

1. Start each Artifct with a photo of a stamp and/or visa in your passport. It gets you the location and the date in one go!

2. Add videos and photo:

- - Picture of you in the country.
  - Video you took out exploring.
  - Photos of mementos you bought or collected (art, ceramics, t-shirts, pins and spoons, shells and rocks…).
  - Framed picture on your wall from a trip.

3. Don’t forget to add “Documentation” to your Artifct:

- - Travel itinerary (flights, hotels, reservations, museums etc.)
  - Original photo file in case you want to reprint it in the future
  - Receipts, certificates of authenticity, and/or appraisals for any valuable travel mementos you purchase and may need to insure, add to your will, or re-sell one day

4. Now add the story. Use 5 words or 5,000, it’s up to you. No story burden here. And you can choose to add the story in writing or by using voice-to-text or directly recording in the Artifcts app.

Want the easy-bake recipe instead?

If what you really want is to tell your favorite stories from the places you’ve been or simply keep track, you can create an Artifct featuring photos of pages of stamps (instead of a single stamp at a time). Then in the Artifct “Description or story,” list out the locations pictured in the stamps and the stories for each. Done!

passport open to show stamps and a visa

Each stamp has a story. Bonus! The dates make it simple to ensure your Artifct shows up in the right place in your timeline.

Connecting & Sharing Your Artifcted Travel Stories and Mementos

If you’re ready to step beyond the passport only, remember these great Artifcts features and services can help you along the way.

QR CODES

For most travel mementos, you can print or use an Artifcts QR code sticker to link the item, whether the expired passport itself or a ceramic vase you bought in a shop in Italy, with the Artifct. Now anyone who comes across it can scan to get the story.

An Artifcts QR code sticker on a music box from Switzerland

It's easy to link your Artifct to a QR code sticker - scan and up pops the story!

USE @ IN THE ARTIFCT STORY

You can also inter-link your Artifcted stories by typing @ into the story of an Artifct and choosing another related Artifct. That way, all your Italy stories can link together!

The story in this Artifct includes @ links to people and other Artifcts! Click the image to view the Artifct.

PUBLISH A CUSTOM BOOK WITH US

You may also want to share your stories in a good old fashion book. We know, books can take a lot of work to upload all the photos, lay them out, pick the fonts, fit the text, and so on. Not at Artifcts! Enjoy the memories, we can help with the rest.

Simply purchase a book with our partner Akin, select all the Artifcts you want to publish to a book, and click share to privately send the Artifcts to Akin to layout in your book. You’ll receive a proof before the books are ordered and arrive on yours or a loved one’s doorstep. We have tips to enhance your Artifcts for publication available here, too.

An Artifct published in a book with its story and a QR code to access all the other photos and videos

Once you create your Artifcts, select any to create a custom book with our partner Akin.

We hope you're inspired to get Artifcting those travel moments hidden within your passport. Happy July to you all!

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July 17, 2024

TRAVEL & MUSEUMS

MassChallenge Invites Artifcts Into Early-Stage Accelerator

We interrupt your normal Wednesday ARTIcles story to offer you greetings from Boston, Massachusetts. The Artifcts co-founders flew to Boston yesterday to take part in a multi-day launch of the MassChallenge Early-Stage Accelerator program, one of the world’s top accelerator programs. What’s that? Read on!

As a self-funded, patented startup poised to become a household name—because, let’s face it, who doesn’t have stuff or stories—the team at Artifcts wants to ensure that we’re delivering to you not just the best product to capture the stories, history, and value of all you collect, accumulate, and inherit in life, but that we do so always with an eye toward the best in tech, the best in how we operate (lean!), and more.

MassChallenge is a global network for innovators working to solve massive challenges. MassChallenge connects startups, experts, corporations, and communities to grow and transform businesses and does not take any equity from companies who participate. According to Mass Challenge, the early-stage accelerator has facilitated a remarkable $9B+ in funding for its cohorts.

Of the 1,300+ companies to apply, Artifcts was selected along with approximately 120 others to work together over the next 3 months with industry mentors and partners to challenge how we operate, means to improve, and of course how to grow. While you won’t see any immediate change at Artifcts as we work through the program, we hope that we’ll come out stronger than ever and with new ideas for how to better connect with you and help you to enjoy all that Artifcts offers.

Opening session of MassChallenge, Boston, July 9

Andrew Bialecki, CEO & Founder of Klaviyo, shares his startup journey during the opening event.

In the meantime, please, continue to Artifct. Share Artifcts with friends and family. We may not have the marketing budget of a goliath corporation, but we have amazing community members who want to see Artifcts succeed. We’re so grateful. And, if you have ideas of what you’d like to see next at Artifcts, or even suggestions for what we could do to make your experience better, let us know! We love and take feedback from our ARTI community to heart.

Wish us luck as we roll up our sleeves and dive into the MassChallenge world!

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Curious about what else we've been up to?

Explore some of Artifcts' other "As featured in" and awards through the years.

July 10, 2024

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