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Artifcts \ Articles \ CONVERSATION \ How Two Sisters Overcame the Guilt to Lighten the Load of Family Heirlooms

CONVERSATION, LEGACY, PLANNING & MORE, GENEALOGY & FAMILY HISTORY

How Two Sisters Overcame the Guilt to Lighten the Load of Family Heirlooms

Ellen Goodwin, Artifcts

August 16, 2023

Reading time: 6 minutes

Up until a few years ago, Rachel Donnelly, founder and CEO of AfterLight, and her family owned their old family home that had been in their family since 1890. Imagine the history those walls could tell! This home, in Eastern Tennessee, was where Rachel’s great-grandparents lived, where her grandmother was born, and where her mother was raised. 

After Rachel’s mother died, the family made the difficult decision to sell this beloved turn-of-the-century Victorian home that was in Rachel’s words “slap full of absolutely everything from our family's life. China, silverware, crystal, knickknacks, handwritten letters, newspaper clippings, coin collections, and of course, countless pieces of big brown furniture. You name it, it was in this house.” 

Buckle up, ladies and gents, we're going on a guilt trip.

Rachel and her sister grew up with the expectation that the items filling this family home would one day fill their own homes, including the big brown furniture. Their mother made them swear they'd never get rid of these items that, in her mind, were priceless and irreplaceable. So, for years, Rachel and her sister were on a never-ending guilt trip.

Fast forward, and the sisters’ homes have indeed become orphanages for the big brown furniture and knickknacks that their mother passed down. But guess what? Guilt be darned - the sisters are fed up! The time has come for them to unload the stuff of generations past to homes where families will cherish the pieces of their mother’s estate that simply do not fit with their own lifestyles.

The sisters’ homes have become orphanages for the big brown furniture and knickknacks that their mother passed down.

We can all do better for the next generation.

What if we skip the proverbial guilt trip we create by unloading our stuff on our family, intentionally or not, and instead make a plan that will allow everyone to enjoy a trip down memory lane instead? At AfterLight, Rachel guides her clients down these planning paths every day. In honor of Make-A-Will Month this August, read on to learn some ins and outs that may help you on your way.

Ellen Goodwin: I imagine that based on that fun introduction to our conversation, people can easily picture you and your family in good ol’ southern U.S.A. And that’s really important context for our readers. Our family relationships as well as the types of ‘stuff’ we tend to collect and pass down as family heirlooms often differs by region.

Rachel Donnelly: Even though dealing with it was quite burdensome, I feel so fortunate to have had this family home as part of my childhood. This home was beloved by generations of my family and was full of so much history. The town in which the home was located was referred to as the "Utopia of Temperance," as it was a planned community where alcohol (aka the Devil's Drink) was strictly prohibited and any trace of liquor would lead to the property's confiscation by the city. Well, if walls could speak, they'd have tales to tell! I've always cherished the stories behind the various items in the house and what they symbolized in our heritage. My grandmother was an incredible cook and one of my prized possessions is her index box of recipes.

Goodwin: What is universal in life is loss. And you are at the very forefront of helping people in modern times get through the planning and after-loss realities. It’s complex! Please help our readers understand the “why” and “what” of AfterLight.

Donnelly: I like to say I received an immersive MDA (Master of Death Administration). After my own experiences with loss, including the death of my parents, and serving as the primary caregiver for and eventual executor of my uncle’s estate, I struggled to manage all the unavoidable administrative tasks that accompany aging, end-of-life, and after loss.

It can take over 500 hours of effort and 100+ tasks for an executor to settle an estate. And executors are expected to complete these tasks, which are for the most part ones they have never done before, all while trying to grieve, work, take care of their family and/or prioritize their mental health.

I searched for help with the tasks, paperwork and logistics in the weeks and months after my losses but struggled with where to turn. I experienced this struggle personally and noticed that there was a gap in the market of businesses meeting this need.

They say that need is the mother of invention, … At AfterLight, our goal is to provide overwhelmed executors with practical, personalized support. We’re on a mission to help the living deal with dying, fostering lighter hearts and lighter loads. AfterLight assists clients in managing the unavoidable administrative tasks associated with after loss and legacy planning. Whether you’re facing an unexpected loss or want to prepare your legacy so your family can grieve in peace and settle your affairs with ease, AfterLight is the answer to your overwhelm.

After my own experiences with loss, [...] I struggled to manage all the unavoidable administrative tasks that accompany aging, end-of-life, and after loss.

Goodwin: An interesting parallel between your work at AfterLight and the act of Artifcting is that both are about human behavior and habits. If we want better outcomes, we have to take steps proactively to do something about it, whatever the “it” is. What do you find are the one or two most challenging steps for people to take in terms of planning and preparedness?

Donnelly: In my opinion, the primary challenge is our discomfort with the fact that we know how this ends – i.e., that we’re all going to die someday. Therefore, many people avoid thinking about it or taking action, as though doing so might somehow become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The second challenge is that organizing one's affairs can be overwhelmingly complex, because people don’t really understand how it works and therefore, it's easy to be unaware of all of the steps they need to take to not leave a flaming dumpster fire for their family. Along the same vein, legacy planning is often filled with misconceptions. I've come across various attitudes, from "My kids are smart, they'll figure it out," to "My estate isn't significant enough to warrant planning," or even "I'll be dead and won't care."

I've come across various attitudes, from "My kids are smart, they'll figure it out," to "My estate isn't significant enough to warrant planning," or even "I'll be dead and won't care."

Goodwin: So, it is Make-a-Will month. Obviously, some people don’t even have wills (yet), while others simply need to update their wills. But there are also those of us who have wills that check the box only. Wills can and should do more to help people through grief by very intentionally addressing legacy, memories, and even anticipated points of … ahem, contention … among family members and other heirs. In your view, how can folks take a good, better, best approach to life preparedness this month?

Donnelly: I believe that approaching life preparedness with intentionality and strategy, rather than simply treating it as a checklist of documents, leads to a more comprehensive and meaningful end-result.

When working with our clients one-on-one, we take on the roles of accountability partner, coach, and organizer. Our aim is to help our clients to explore critical questions they may not have considered, procrastinated on, or underestimated the importance of. Some of these important questions include:

- If you do have estate planning documents (such as a will, trust, financial power of attorney, and advance directives for healthcare), does your family know how to access them? Where are these documents located?
- Have you shared the unlock codes for your phone and computer with a trusted contact?
- Are your beneficiaries correctly designated and up to date?
- Do your loved ones know your funeral wishes?
- Have you communicated with your family about who will inherit specific items of personal property and when? (Hello! Get going on Artifcts!)
- There’s no better solution to convey what everything is, what it means to you and your family, and WHY you are gifting it to the person you’ve chosen.)
- Does your family have a clear understanding of your debts and assets, including a comprehensive list?

@rbdonne is a "family keeper" for family heirlooms big and small.

A vintage oak icebox and cricket cage, each brought forward through generations. Click an image to view on Artifcts.

An antique cricket cage

By addressing these questions and actively engaging in the planning process, we can each achieve a more well-rounded and thoughtful approach to securing our legacies and ensuring our loved ones are better prepared for the future. And who knows, you might even have some fun in the process, especially if you share as you go via Artifcts.

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You may also enjoy these additional ARTIcles by Artifcts:

Gift Your Loved Ones a "Why"

What Have You Done for Your Legacy Lately?

Storytellers, Beware!

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A Family History in Five Artifcts

It’s family history month, and if you had to, could you tell your family history in five Artifcts or less? Sound impossible? We weren’t sure, so we decided to put it to the test.

We reached out to one of our super Artifcters, @Grandmom and asked her, if she had to choose just five Artifcts to tell her story, could she? And if she could, what five would she choose?

Thankfully, @Grandmom was up for the challenge, although she did preface it by saying “Are you sure, just five? That’s all I get?” Yep, that all you get, at least for this ARTIcles story. “Well, good thing I have my timeline, at least I know where to start!”

Over to you @Grandmom to walk us through your family history, Artifct by Artifct. (The below excerpts are from an interview we did with Grandmom; the words in quotes are direct from the source!)

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GRANDMOM'S FAMILY HISTORY IN JUST 5 ARTIFCTS

Artifct #1: The Beginning

The Milking Chair My Grandfather Built

“Well, I guess I better start at the beginning, sometime in the 1860s. One of my oldest Artifcts is the milking chair my father’s father made his wife. They lived on a farm in southern Georgia. He built it for her because she was so short, that none of the regular chairs were a good fit. He built it right after the Civil War, I don’t think he used a single nail, only pegs. You don’t see that these days.”

Click to view the Artifct and hear the story in Grandmom's own words.

Artifct #2: Childhood in Rural Georgia

Mother's and Grandmother's Wash Boards

Next up? “Well, that would have to be Mother’s and Grandmother’s wash boards. I still have them after all my moves. We grew up in rural Georgia, and we didn’t have much back then, but Mother always made sure we were well dressed and presentable. I still remember her using these boards to do our laundry. I even used them when I was younger! It’s just what you did back then. I can’t imagine what the kids would do today if they had to use washboards. I can tell you; they probably wouldn’t do laundry!”

Artifct #3: Traveling Far Far Away

Snake Tales

“The next one is one of my favorites—my snakeskin! I still remember [my friend] Shirley’s reaction, ‘I’m not going to do it Martha, you do it, you shoot the snakes!’” What makes the snakeskin so special? “It reminds me of all the crazy adventures and travels that Bobby [my husband] and I had when we were first married. I never could have imagined living overseas, or going on safari, or doing all the crazy things we used to do. I was telling [my granddaughter] about what we did back then, and she didn’t believe me at first. I had to show her the pictures AND the snakeskin. I was something back then!” For the record, we still think you’re something @Grandmom!

If ever there was a moment to be glad to have the story behind the photo, it's this one! Hear @Grandmom tell the story.

Artifct #4: Family Time

Our Trusty Station Wagon

“I guess my next Artifct would be our old station wagon, and the photo of the three boys [our sons] in the back. [It's a private Artifct.] Back then we didn’t use seatbelts; I’m not even sure if we had them in the way back! But man, those boys loved that station wagon; Bobby and I did too! We took it everywhere—Brazil, Europe. I still remember I once got a speeding ticket in Rio while driving the station wagon. I had never gotten a ticket before in my life! So many memories. I can still hear Bobby yelling at the boys to quiet down back there or else. The boys remember too!”

Feeling inspired? Create a new Artifct!

Not a member yet? No problem! Sign up free to start Artifcting.

Artifct #5: Small Momentos of a Life Well Lived

International Spoon Collection

Sounds like travel and all your adventures overseas are a big part of your family history and story @Grandmom? “It was our life back then. We didn’t think twice about it when we were doing it, but it was what our family did. It’s what our boys remember. Living overseas teaches you so much. So, I guess my last Artifct would have to be my spoon collection.

I have one from every place I’ve ever lived or visited! I have at least two hundred! The one spoon I didn’t have until recently was Monrovia. I couldn’t find one when we were living there, but then Joy [my daughter-in-law] found one on Ebay and now my collection is complete! It’s amazing to think that had life been different, we could have stayed in Georgia. I know my boys are thankful we did not do that.”

Souvenir spoons hanging on a wooden display rack

One of these is not like the other. Is that a spork in the spoon collection?

And there you have it! Five Artifcts; five stories; five memories of a life well lived and well-traveled. If you had to choose, what five objects would you Artifct to tell your story? You can write to us at editor@artifcts.com and let us know, we’d love to hear from you!

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A very special thank you to @Grandmom for sharing her Artifcts and story with us. For those of you curious about this amazing woman, she lived to be 85, had three grown sons, 10 mostly-grown grandchildren, and had lived in six countries and traveled to well over 50. She was married to the “love of her life” for over 40 years and was proud to be her family’s keeper. Why did she Artifct? “To tell the histories and stories behind all my stuff. If I don’t the boys will have no way of knowing what is what.”

We thank @Grandmom's family for letting us reprint this ARTIcle (which originally ran in 2023) as a special tribute to her and the amazing life she lived.

October 29, 2025

LEGACY, PLANNING & MORE, GENEALOGY & FAMILY HISTORY

Estate Planning of Things

Over the last several years, there has been a movement in technology called the “Internet of Things.” This is the growing interconnection, via the internet, of computing devices embedded in everyday objects. At some point in the future, all our home and business technology are expected to be seamless and interconnected.

In the past, estate planning has been solely or almost completely concerned about passing a person’s assets at death. It has not been connected to other parts of life and especially not connected to the parts of all our lives that have no monetary value: family history, legacy, values, etc. If the IRS does not value it, we often ignore it in estate planning.

If the IRS does not value it, we often ignore it in estate planning

We need to start thinking about Interconnected Estate Planning to make estate planning more wholistically connected with our lives. Especially in this age of downsizing and decluttering, we need to start thinking about how we plan to transfer our things to our children, families, and friends in a way that transfers not just the title and ownership, but also transfers the “Why” so those people and others will understand the importance and the stories behind those assets. We also can think about making those transfers during life when we have the chance to assure the best stewardship of the items for the future.

You can watch the full episode of Evenings with Artifcts: Modern Estate Planning here.

How do we start Interconnected Estate Planning? Many of us are paralyzed or overwhelmed and do not start estate planning until late in life, or – at worst – when it is too late. Among the negative thoughts I have heard are:

“I’ll just leave this to be handled after I am gone.”
“My children/grandchildren/friends/family all know what I want and they will divide everything fairly.”
“I do not want to make any decisions that might make people mad after I am gone.”
“I don’t want to dwell on my own death.”

In my experience, it is much better to make a plan than to leave the disposition of your estate to chance. Many estate planning attorneys, accountants, insurance professionals, and others who help to manage assets for estates have stories of families broken apart because the person who died was not clear about disposition. There are lawsuits that have dragged on literally for decades where beneficiaries argue about these assets… and not always the most expensive items.

In my experience, it is much better to make a plan than to leave the disposition of your estate to chance

Fortunately, there is a solution. Creating an interconnected plan can start with considering just a few items, and without even going to an attorney. By considering these items, you have the chance to answer the most important question your beneficiaries will have after you are gone: Why? Why are these items important? Why did she save that? Why does it matter?

In one of the episodes of Evening with Artifcts, Jeff Greenwald said, “When you are giving an object away, it motivates you to tell the story. Stories don’t take up much space at all.” So, start with a small list of items you value. Title the list “Personal Property Memorandum” and state at the start that you intend this to be included in your current or any future Will, and date it. Make the list and consider why you think those items are worth giving away, what they mean to you, name the beneficiary, and describe what the item might mean to the beneficiary.

Artifcts can be a great way to start organizing your thoughts. Once you have the items in Artifcts, you could print out the items, and use the printout as part of your Memorandum. With Artifcts, you can also write directly in the "In the Future” field that the object in question is to be given to a particular person.

By considering who should get the items, you can decide whether to wait to give it away now, or make it part of your estate. As you make these decisions, just update your Memorandum (and Artifcts!) at any time.

This is a simple way to pass along items with the most meaning in your life to those who can most benefit.

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Looking for additional tips to help you tackle the estate planning of things? You might also enjoy:

Estate Planning & The Art of Artifcts

Insider's Look at What It Means to Clean Out an Estate

How Well Managed Is Your Family History Estate?

by Dutch Miller, CFP and Artifcts Advisory Board Member

October 22, 2025

LEGACY, PLANNING & MORE, GUEST CURATOR

When Insurance Isn't Enough: Preserving What Truly Matters

Across the US, homeowners are watching their insurance premiums skyrocket. According to an analysis of insurance industry reports, average premiums have risen over 20% in the last year alone, with no signs of slowing. And when disaster strikes — from hurricanes and wildfires to floods and theft — insurance payouts can take three to six months or longer to be fully processed and received.

Even when claims are approved, homeowners are often left grappling with another harsh truth: some things can be replaced, but many cannot. And often the things that cannot be replaced are the ones that we value most. They may not be the ones that hold the most financial value, but they certainly tend to hold a lof of what we call “heart value.”

What’s a Needlepoint Pillow Worth?

Let’s say your insurance company writes you a check for the fair market value of your damaged or stolen items. Refrigerator? Check, that’s easy. Sofa and loveseat, double check.

But what’s the monetary value of Nana’s handmade needlepoint cushions that sat in her living room for decades? Or the vintage charm bracelet your mom wore every holiday? How about your child’s first fingerpainting, lovingly framed and hung in the hallway?

The answer: There is no replacement cost high enough to recover the meaning of these items. And that’s why we Artifct.

There is no replacement cost high enough to recover the meaning of these items

When Disaster Strikes, an Artifct Is Your Memory Vault

Natural disasters don't give us time to prepare. But a digital record of your most sentimental belongings means you can prove ownership, document financial value (when possible), and most importantly — preserve the memories even if the object is lost.

While insurance companies assess damage and estimate costs, your family won’t be left trying to remember what that cherished object looked like or where it came from. You’ll already have a rich, secure record, and a legacy to pass on.

This October, we challenge you to Artifct the irreplaceable. Not everything in your home, just the things that would break your heart to lose. Start with:

A family quilt with generations of history sewn into its fabric
The wedding china no one dares eat off of, but everyone remembers
Dad’s old fishing rod, full of childhood memories
A handwritten letter tucked in a book from someone long gone

Click on the image to view the Artifct, one of many irreplaceable items of this family's history.

At the end of the day, no insurance policy (or AI algorithm for that matter) knows what matters most or what items have the most heart value to you and your family.

Your Family’s History Is Worth Saving

As you celebrate Family History Month this October, don’t stop at genealogy charts and old photographs. Think about the physical items that tell your family’s story. Think about the why behind them. And give yourself (and future generations) the gift of preserving not only the item, but the history, stories, and memories that go along with it.

Because in the end, your history is more than names and dates. It’s the objects you touch, the stories you tell, and the people you love.

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Looking for additional tips to help you be prepared for all of life's what ifs? You might also enjoy:

Insurance & The Art of Artifcts

How to Choose the Right Home Inventory App for You

How a Simple Act Saved One Man's Most Valued Memory of His Dad

October 15, 2025

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