How Two Sisters Overcame the Guilt to Lighten the Load of Family Heirlooms
Ellen Goodwin, Artifcts
August 16, 2023
Reading time: 6 minutes
Up until a few years ago, Rachel Donnelly, founder and CEO of AfterLight, and her family owned their old family home that had been in their family since 1890. Imagine the history those walls could tell! This home, in Eastern Tennessee, was where Rachel’s great-grandparents lived, where her grandmother was born, and where her mother was raised.
After Rachel’s mother died, the family made the difficult decision to sell this beloved turn-of-the-century Victorian home that was in Rachel’s words “slap full of absolutely everything from our family's life. China, silverware, crystal, knickknacks, handwritten letters, newspaper clippings, coin collections, and of course, countless pieces of big brown furniture. You name it, it was in this house.”
Buckle up, ladies and gents, we're going on a guilt trip.
Rachel and her sister grew up with the expectation that the items filling this family home would one day fill their own homes, including the big brown furniture. Their mother made them swear they'd never get rid of these items that, in her mind, were priceless and irreplaceable. So, for years, Rachel and her sister were on a never-ending guilt trip.
Fast forward, and the sisters’ homes have indeed become orphanages for the big brown furniture and knickknacks that their mother passed down. But guess what? Guilt be darned - the sisters are fed up! The time has come for them to unload the stuff of generations past to homes where families will cherish the pieces of their mother’s estate that simply do not fit with their own lifestyles.
The sisters’ homes have become orphanages for the big brown furniture and knickknacks that their mother passed down.
We can all do better for the next generation.
What if we skip the proverbial guilt trip we create by unloading our stuff on our family, intentionally or not, and instead make a plan that will allow everyone to enjoy a trip down memory lane instead? At AfterLight, Rachel guides her clients down these planning paths every day. In honor of Make-A-Will Month this August, read on to learn some ins and outs that may help you on your way.
Ellen Goodwin: I imagine that based on that fun introduction to our conversation, people can easily picture you and your family in good ol’ southern U.S.A. And that’s really important context for our readers. Our family relationships as well as the types of ‘stuff’ we tend to collect and pass down as family heirlooms often differs by region.
Rachel Donnelly: Even though dealing with it was quite burdensome, I feel so fortunate to have had this family home as part of my childhood. This home was beloved by generations of my family and was full of so much history. The town in which the home was located was referred to as the "Utopia of Temperance," as it was a planned community where alcohol (aka the Devil's Drink) was strictly prohibited and any trace of liquor would lead to the property's confiscation by the city. Well, if walls could speak, they'd have tales to tell! I've always cherished the stories behind the various items in the house and what they symbolized in our heritage. My grandmother was an incredible cook and one of my prized possessions is her index box of recipes.
Goodwin: What is universal in life is loss. And you are at the very forefront of helping people in modern times get through the planning and after-loss realities. It’s complex! Please help our readers understand the “why” and “what” of AfterLight.
Donnelly: I like to say I received an immersive MDA (Master of Death Administration). After my own experiences with loss, including the death of my parents, and serving as the primary caregiver for and eventual executor of my uncle’s estate, I struggled to manage all the unavoidable administrative tasks that accompany aging, end-of-life, and after loss.
It can take over 500 hours of effort and 100+ tasks for an executor to settle an estate. And executors are expected to complete these tasks, which are for the most part ones they have never done before, all while trying to grieve, work, take care of their family and/or prioritize their mental health.
I searched for help with the tasks, paperwork and logistics in the weeks and months after my losses but struggled with where to turn. I experienced this struggle personally and noticed that there was a gap in the market of businesses meeting this need.
They say that need is the mother of invention, … At AfterLight, our goal is to provide overwhelmed executors with practical, personalized support. We’re on a mission to help the living deal with dying, fostering lighter hearts and lighter loads. AfterLight assists clients in managing the unavoidable administrative tasks associated with after loss and legacy planning. Whether you’re facing an unexpected loss or want to prepare your legacy so your family can grieve in peace and settle your affairs with ease, AfterLight is the answer to your overwhelm.
After my own experiences with loss, [...] I struggled to manage all the unavoidable administrative tasks that accompany aging, end-of-life, and after loss.
Goodwin: An interesting parallel between your work at AfterLight and the act of Artifcting is that both are about human behavior and habits. If we want better outcomes, we have to take steps proactively to do something about it, whatever the “it” is. What do you find are the one or two most challenging steps for people to take in terms of planning and preparedness?
Donnelly: In my opinion, the primary challenge is our discomfort with the fact that we know how this ends – i.e., that we’re all going to die someday. Therefore, many people avoid thinking about it or taking action, as though doing so might somehow become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The second challenge is that organizing one's affairs can be overwhelmingly complex, because people don’t really understand how it works and therefore, it's easy to be unaware of all of the steps they need to take to not leave a flaming dumpster fire for their family. Along the same vein, legacy planning is often filled with misconceptions. I've come across various attitudes, from "My kids are smart, they'll figure it out," to "My estate isn't significant enough to warrant planning," or even "I'll be dead and won't care."
I've come across various attitudes, from "My kids are smart, they'll figure it out," to "My estate isn't significant enough to warrant planning," or even "I'll be dead and won't care."
Goodwin: So, it is Make-a-Will month. Obviously, some people don’t even have wills (yet), while others simply need to update their wills. But there are also those of us who have wills that check the box only. Wills can and should do more to help people through grief by very intentionally addressing legacy, memories, and even anticipated points of … ahem, contention … among family members and other heirs. In your view, how can folks take a good, better, best approach to life preparedness this month?
Donnelly: I believe that approaching life preparedness with intentionality and strategy, rather than simply treating it as a checklist of documents, leads to a more comprehensive and meaningful end-result.
When working with our clients one-on-one, we take on the roles of accountability partner, coach, and organizer. Our aim is to help our clients to explore critical questions they may not have considered, procrastinated on, or underestimated the importance of. Some of these important questions include:
If you do have estate planning documents (such as a will, trust, financial power of attorney, and advance directives for healthcare), does your family know how to access them? Where are these documents located?
Have you shared the unlock codes for your phone and computer with a trusted contact?
Are your beneficiaries correctly designated and up to date?
Do your loved ones know your funeral wishes?
Have you communicated with your family about who will inherit specific items of personal property and when? (Hello! Get going on Artifcts!)
There’s no better solution to convey what everything is, what it means to you and your family, and WHY you are gifting it to the person you’ve chosen.)
Does your family have a clear understanding of your debts and assets, including a comprehensive list?
@rbdonne is a "family keeper" for family heirlooms big and small.
A vintage oak icebox and cricket cage, each brought forward through generations. Click an image to view on Artifcts.
By addressing these questions and actively engaging in the planning process, we can each achieve a more well-rounded and thoughtful approach to securing our legacies and ensuring our loved ones are better prepared for the future. And who knows, you might even have some fun in the process, especially if you share as you go via Artifcts.
The holidays have a way of stirring up memories—some wrapped in joy, some tucked quietly into the corners of our hearts. This year, Artifcts is celebrating those moments in a way that’s meaningful, creative, and deeply personal with the 12 Days of Artifcts holiday challenge.
If you’ve been following along on our social channels, you’ve seen how powerful a single object can be when paired with a story. An old photograph. A travel souvenir. A well-loved family quilt. These aren’t just “things.” They’re touchstones to the people, places, and moments that shaped us.
The first four days of our 12 Days of Artifcts challenge. Objects with stories, your stories!
That’s what the 12 Days of Artifcts is all about—and we’d love for you to join in the fun.
Are You Up for a Challenge?
We promise, our “challenge,” doesn’t involve Tik Tok or ice buckets, and it’s simple enough to do even if you’ve never done one of those “I-saw-it-on-the-evening-news" challenges before.
Over 12 days, we share 12 different themes, one per day via our Facebook and Instagram pages. Each theme invites you to choose a meaningful item from your life and Artifct it—capture a photo, add the story behind it, and preserve the memory digitally for yourself and for the people you love.
By the end of the challenge, you’ll have:
12 Artifcts
12 memories preserved
12 stories ready to share with family and friends—now or for generations to come
There’s no right or wrong way to participate. Some people choose deeply sentimental items. Others lean into lighthearted or unexpected objects. Every Artifct tells a story worth saving.
Every Artifct tells a story worth saving.
A Theme for Every Kind of Memory and Artifct
Each day’s theme offers a gentle nudge to look at your life through a new lens. One day might spark a story about family traditions. Another might bring back a personal milestone, a favorite place, or a meaningful relationship. Some themes make you smile instantly; others may surprise you with memories you hadn’t thought about in years.That’s part of the magic.
You don’t need museum-worthy artifacts. The beauty of Artifcts is that meaning isn’t measured by monetary value—it’s measured by connection. If an item holds a story only you can tell, it belongs here.
Pick a theme that works for you and join in the fun as we count down the 12 Days of Artifcts!
Why Participate?
Because memories fade—but stories don’t have to.
The 12 Days of Artifcts is more than a creative challenge. It’s an opportunity to pause during a busy season and reflect. To document the moments that matter. To create something lasting that you can revisit, share, and pass on.
Many participants tell us that once they start, they can’t stop. One Artifct leads to another. One memory unlocks three more. Before you know it, you’re building a living archive of your life (and your holidays!)—your way.
Share the Joy
One of our favorite parts of the challenge is seeing how people share their Artifcts with others. Share yours on social media, tag us, and use #12DaysofArtifcts to be part of the community countdown. Or keep them private, sharing only with family and close friends. However you participate, you’re contributing to something meaningful.
And don’t worry, this isn’t about perfection. It’s about presence, and preserving lasting memories and stories during the holidays.
It’s Not Too Late to Start
If you’re reading this and thinking, “I missed a day… or five,” take a deep breath. You’re right on time.
The 12 Days of Artifcts isn’t a race. Start today. Pick the theme that speaks to you most. Go back and fill in the others when you’re ready. The stories will wait for you.All that matters is beginning.
As we count down the 12 Days of Artifcts, we invite you to reflect, remember, and create. At the end, you won’t just have a collection of items—you’ll have a collection of stories that only you can tell.
So choose your first theme. Find your first item. And Artifct that {old photo, handmade ornament, special gift} or other holiday keepsake. From all of us at Artifcts, happy holidays and happy Artifcting!
As the holiday season approaches and families search for meaningful, memorable gifts, one option rises above the usual sweaters, gadgets, and gift cards: a gift membership to Artifcts.com. For grandparents, who are often the keepers of stories, traditions, and treasured belongings, Artifcts offers something far more valuable than another item to unwrap. It offers a way to preserve their legacy, share memories, and connect with loved ones in a lasting, joyful way.
A Modern Solution to a Timeless Desire: Sharing Stories
Grandparents often have homes filled with objects rich in personal history—photographs, souvenirs, heirlooms, handmade pieces, letters, and charming odds and ends. But the stories behind those items aren’t always written down or passed along.
Artifcts.com changes that. With an easy-to-use platform, grandparents can upload photos of meaningful items and record the stories, memories, and details behind them. Each “Artifct” becomes a digital keepsake—part story, part history, part heirloom—preserved beautifully for future generations.
It’s the perfect way to capture moments like:
The origin of Grandpa’s well-worn fishing hat
The recipe card with Grandma’s handwritten notes
The ornament that’s hung on the tree for 40 years
The ticket stub from their first date
This isn’t just documentation—it’s storytelling.
A Thoughtful Gift That Builds Connection
A gift membership to Artifcts isn’t something that sits on a shelf. It’s a shared experience.
Grandparents can invite family members into their private circle, allowing children and grandchildren to explore the stories behind the items they’ve always been curious about—or never knew existed, sparking conversations across generations, bridging distances, and helping younger family members better understand their roots.
It’s especially meaningful for:
Families who live far apart
Grandparents who want to connect with tech-savvy grandkids
Loved ones who want to preserve memories before they fade
Perfect for Legacy, Estate, and Family Planning
In addition to emotional value, Artifcts has practical benefits.Grandparents can document: the provenance of their heirlooms; instructions for what should happen to certain items someday with our "In the Future" field; and the significance of objects family members will inherit. With Artifcts you can pass down the stories, meaning, and value along with the actual item.
This avoids confusion, conflict, or lost historical context later. Family decision-making becomes clearer—and more heartfelt—when the story behind each item is preserved.
Tech-Friendly for All Ages
Artifcts was designed to be simple for anyone to use—tech-savvy or not. The platform walks users through the process step-by-step, making it enjoyable and unintimidating. Our Quick Start Guide helps anyone age 16-97 get started right away, while our YouTube Channel offers dozens of short, easy to follow videos that will have you up and Artifcting in no time!
Plus, because it’s digital, grandparents can create and share Artifcts from the comfort of home or even use the mobile app when inspiration strikes.
A Gift That Lasts Long After the Holidays
While most holiday gifts are eventually forgotten, Artifcts grows more valuable with time. With every story uploaded, the gift becomes richer, deeper, and more meaningful.
It's not just a membership—it’s:
A storytelling tool
A memory-preservation system
A family-connection platform
A legacy-building experience
And it becomes a treasured part of a grandparent’s life year-round.
The Heart of the Holiday Season
Ultimately, the best gifts are those that bring people closer together.A gift membership to Artifcts.com celebrates a grandparent’s life, honors their stories, and preserves them for generations to come. It transforms holiday giving into something timeless—ensuring that the memories, laughter, lessons, and love of today remain part of your family’s story forever.
This holiday season, wrap up something truly meaningful. Give the gift of Artifcts.
If you want to truly enjoy the holidays and not just operate in survival mode, take some advice from Santa Claus himself, who’s known for “Making a list and checking it twice.”
While you could potentially remember everything that needs to get done and also smoothly delegate along the way, why would you do that to yourself when you could plan it out and recycle and update those plans year after year? You wouldn’t be the first person to wing it and then gasp when they realize they’re missing a particular gift, key ingredient, or even the tickets to the annual holiday lights show that they never miss.
Today in ARTIcles by Artifcts, we’re sharing tips from the pros in hopes of keeping your holiday season merry and bright.
The following is based on the Fall 2023 Evenings with Artifcts episode featuring C. Lee Cawley of simplify YOU, Jill Katz of One to Zen Organizing, and Samara Goodman of Samara Interiors. If you prefer to watch the Evenings conversation, pop over to YouTube now.
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Shift Your Frame of Mind and Start with Clear Goals
The holiday season is filled with micro changes to your routines and your home, which can make even the most laid back among us a bit stressed out and edgy, Jill told us. While Jill specializes in organizational services for neurodivergent people, you’ll discover her strategies and tools can keep us all in the holiday spirit.
WHERE IS YOUR MIND AT ON ALL THINGS HOLIDAYS?
To counteract feelings of frustration and anxiety, Jill suggests shifting your frame of mind about the lead up and the moments that make up your holidays in two key ways:
First, embrace that preparation is part of the holiday fun.Give yourself the space during the weeks ahead for prep activities like:
Choosing gifts thoughtfully, not frantically
Hand writing notes on holiday cards
Planning menus that come together to light up everyone’s taste buds
Creating music playlists
Second, absolutely avoid urges for perfection. Take a step back and remember why you are doing all this to start with and breathe. What do you want to remember about this holiday one year from now? Five years from now? We bet it’s about how you felt, not whether that centerpiece matched Martha Stewart’s design or that cake looked as good on your table as it did for Ina Garten.
WHAT WILL SUCCESS LOOK LIKE FOR YOU?
Now let’s consider your goals for the season. Are your holiday plans designed to guarantee more family time? Are you seeking to create a new holiday tradition this year?
To reach your goals and avoid madly racing thoughts that will detract from what’s important, track your holiday routines and to-dos. This will also help you to avoid starting from scratch next year. While you might like a pad of paper or digital note, hands down our panel recommends digitally accessible and customizable spreadsheets.
Before you decide spreadsheets are too intense or complicated, hear us out. A spreadsheet lets you simply list out your to-dos based on when they need to be done, e.g. 4 weeks out, 3 weeks out etc., so you can keep track of the multitude of tasks and subtasks that are part of your holiday routine.
Common holiday to-do items from our panelists’ own spreadsheets:
Taking out and putting up decorations
Buying tickets for a holiday event
Planning the menu and its corresponding shopping list
Ordering custom holiday cards (and noting the “no later than” date for getting them mailed)
Gathering or buying materials related to annual traditions
Making any needed repairs around the house before guests arrive
Choosing and selecting a hostess gift for parties you’ll attend
Tackling cleaning tasks big and small
Pressing tablecloths and napkins
Buying flowers for the table or around the house
Ordering items that will sell out early or have shipping timelines that could threaten your fun
Creating a Welcoming Space
Hosting this year? Great. We’re ready with tips for you.
PAPER CLUTTER
As the holiday season begins, get a strategy in place for one of the top sources of holiday clutter: paper! We’re talking about cards and flyers, donation requests from charities, and holiday cards, too.
C. Lee suggests buying or repurposing a decorative bin (with a lid) that you don’t mind setting out in your space to catch all the incoming catalogs and other generic mail. “But have a second box just for holiday cards that you do not want miss and may also include checks, cash, or gift cards.”
You’ll also likely generate some necessary paperwork during the holidays that C. Lee recommends you place into a durable labeled folder. What might this include? Copies of travel documents and itineraries, last year’s holiday card (to help you decide on this year’s), gift lists and ideas, receipts, and more.
Pre- or post-holidays, our handy Get Papered checklist can help you declutter all that paper! CLICK THE IMAGE to access this list and others and download for free!
ALL THINGS HOLIDAY
Clutter aside, let's move on to holiday decor and more! As an interior decorator who naturally embraces many principles of home organizers, Samara suggests that in decorating for the holidays and preparing for guests you think about all five senses.
“Often people think about what the room looks like, and what the menu will taste like, but what about touch? Cozy blankets and that feeling of warmth around you can be so inviting. As for sound, music sets the tone, ranging from upbeat and playful to quiet and calming, and helps you to transition through an event, too. And smell can go beyond your menu. Keep a pot of simmering mulled cider on the stovetop to evoke memories and warmth. And use cloves and cinnamon sticks to fill a decorative vase.”
Samara also favors natural decorations that are compostable, inexpensive, and reusable. You can check out ideas from her here. A simple glass hurricane with a white pillar candle can be filled with red and green candies during the winter holidays, sand and shells in the summer, and acorns or lentils in the fall. Likewise, you do not need a Christmas bowl. An elegant neutral bowl of clear glass, bronze or silver, or smooth wood can grace your home during any season or occasion. Just add festive ornaments at Christmas and enjoy!
Iconic gingerbread houses offer instant, homemade, and compostable decor! CLICK THE IMAGE to view this Artifcted house.
GUESTS WHO WILL SPEND ONE NIGHT OR MORE
If guests are coming to stay, you can easily discover online list upon list of items that you may want to have out and about to make your guests feel at home. Some things are small and easily done if you think of it, such as a small sign with your wi-fi password in a high traffic location as well as by their bedside.
Other things you maybe already have and/or do by routine anyway. Our favorites:
Laying out a sleep mask in case the sleep space is brighter than in their home
Providing a fan or sound machine in their bedroom
Clearing closet space and adding spare hangers along with a luggage rack
Placing a carafe or similar for water in their bedroom
Topping up or replacing basic toiletries
C. Lee also suggests repurposing wine glass tags for regular coffee mugs and glasses to avoid stress and confusion as to which glass belongs to which guest (and reduce dishes). And we also love her suggestion to leave out a note along with some plates/bowls, breakfast foods, and coffee/tea directions so that they can help themselves when they wake up and you can relax into your day.
A breakfast treat like coffee cake can be made ahead (even well ahead and frozen), and pulled out for all to enjoy at whatever hour they roll out of bed!
It's Okay to Control the Chaos When Guests are Staying
About those guests of yours: Keep your eye on the prize. Priorities shift when guests are in the house. Do you feel more like, "Your home, your rules?" Maybe treat your rules more like guidelines.
Set boundaries only where necessary to keep everyone (pets included) safe and to preserve your sanity. We’re willing to wager that more often than not your friends and family will follow along if they know your boundaries and general modes of operation. Just give them a nudge! For example, add a temporary over-the-door rack to hang multiple coats so people know where they can store coats and bags if you don’t want them strewn about. And if you are a shoe-free household, post a little sign and offer skid free socks to put on for their comfort and safety.
Guests are gone? Now is when you can reset and return things to normal around the house. Do not try to do this while they are there; it’s like fighting gravity. Is that really how you want to expend your energy while they are there and you’re trying to enjoy time together?
Tips for Making the 11th Hour Less Stressful
Remember that spreadsheet? We mentioned sorting it by weeks. Well, you may also want to create a timetable for the day of your event, says C. Lee, so you and everyone else remembers/knows when each thing needs to happen. When does each dish need to go in the oven? When will you light the candles and start the music? Who is arriving and when?
And what are old school sticky notes good for when it comes to the holidays? Delegation! Jill reminded us all to ask for and accept help. And even if you truly have it under control, you can appreciate that you’ll have folks joining the festivities who will feel more comfortable if they can help in some way.
Pop a sticky note next to the salad bowl, ingredients, and recipe, and say, “Make me!” Or add a note next to the stack of plates, flatware, and glasses and, write “Ready for the table.” If you coordinated in advance or simply know who will want which task, label the note with their name.
Samara encourages you to work ahead to set the table, which can be a serious effort depending on the number of place settings, the distance your table is from where all the essentials are stored, and how many layers of decorations, flatware and glasses, and more you add to complete the table.
“And if you don’t have a separate table you can decorate in advance, create a table setting box with everything you’ll need, including the tablecloth, napkins, candles, candle sticks. For items you can’t put in the box, like place settings, platters and glasses, make a list and add to the box to check off as you set the table.”
One more 11th hour prep tip is about gift opening. Have your helper tools stationed and ready. This might mean a bag for ribbons (to reuse) and another bag for non-recyclable wrapping and tissue papers. And to avoid losing anything in that holiday mess, have a box set out where small gifts can be popped into temporarily. Oh, and don’t forget to have a safety cutter on hand for eager gift receivers to open tough tape, boxes, and plastic covers without landing in the emergency room.
The Final Word
We asked our panelists for their final few words of advice to avoid getting our tinsel in a tangle. Here’s what they offered:
Simplify hostess gifts by picking one item to give to each hostess that season. Avoid more ‘stuff’ and go with consumables like wine, an evergreen potted plant, or special gourmet treats.
Which leads to… embrace regifting! If it’s a distinctive and memorable gift, perhaps just avoid regifting it inside the same circle of friends or colleagues to avoid awkward moments.
Centerpieces can be created well ahead of time and even done as an event, together with friends and family, for an instant tradition!
Minimize how much new you take on during the holiday season: one new decoration, one new recipe, one new tradition.
Plan in downtime so you can enjoy the season without being drained by it.
And with that, happy holidays AND happy Artifcting!
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The first four days of our 12 Days of Artifcts challenge. Objects with stories, your stories!
