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Artifcts \ Articles \ CONVERSATION \ How Two Sisters Overcame the Guilt to Lighten the Load of Family Heirlooms

CONVERSATION, LEGACY, PLANNING & MORE, GENEALOGY & FAMILY HISTORY

How Two Sisters Overcame the Guilt to Lighten the Load of Family Heirlooms

Ellen Goodwin, Artifcts

August 16, 2023

Reading time: 6 minutes

Up until a few years ago, Rachel Donnelly, founder and CEO of AfterLight, and her family owned their old family home that had been in their family since 1890. Imagine the history those walls could tell! This home, in Eastern Tennessee, was where Rachel’s great-grandparents lived, where her grandmother was born, and where her mother was raised. 

After Rachel’s mother died, the family made the difficult decision to sell this beloved turn-of-the-century Victorian home that was in Rachel’s words “slap full of absolutely everything from our family's life. China, silverware, crystal, knickknacks, handwritten letters, newspaper clippings, coin collections, and of course, countless pieces of big brown furniture. You name it, it was in this house.” 

Buckle up, ladies and gents, we're going on a guilt trip.

Rachel and her sister grew up with the expectation that the items filling this family home would one day fill their own homes, including the big brown furniture. Their mother made them swear they'd never get rid of these items that, in her mind, were priceless and irreplaceable. So, for years, Rachel and her sister were on a never-ending guilt trip.

Fast forward, and the sisters’ homes have indeed become orphanages for the big brown furniture and knickknacks that their mother passed down. But guess what? Guilt be darned - the sisters are fed up! The time has come for them to unload the stuff of generations past to homes where families will cherish the pieces of their mother’s estate that simply do not fit with their own lifestyles.

The sisters’ homes have become orphanages for the big brown furniture and knickknacks that their mother passed down.

We can all do better for the next generation.

What if we skip the proverbial guilt trip we create by unloading our stuff on our family, intentionally or not, and instead make a plan that will allow everyone to enjoy a trip down memory lane instead? At AfterLight, Rachel guides her clients down these planning paths every day. In honor of Make-A-Will Month this August, read on to learn some ins and outs that may help you on your way.

Ellen Goodwin: I imagine that based on that fun introduction to our conversation, people can easily picture you and your family in good ol’ southern U.S.A. And that’s really important context for our readers. Our family relationships as well as the types of ‘stuff’ we tend to collect and pass down as family heirlooms often differs by region.

Rachel Donnelly: Even though dealing with it was quite burdensome, I feel so fortunate to have had this family home as part of my childhood. This home was beloved by generations of my family and was full of so much history. The town in which the home was located was referred to as the "Utopia of Temperance," as it was a planned community where alcohol (aka the Devil's Drink) was strictly prohibited and any trace of liquor would lead to the property's confiscation by the city. Well, if walls could speak, they'd have tales to tell! I've always cherished the stories behind the various items in the house and what they symbolized in our heritage. My grandmother was an incredible cook and one of my prized possessions is her index box of recipes.

Goodwin: What is universal in life is loss. And you are at the very forefront of helping people in modern times get through the planning and after-loss realities. It’s complex! Please help our readers understand the “why” and “what” of AfterLight.

Donnelly: I like to say I received an immersive MDA (Master of Death Administration). After my own experiences with loss, including the death of my parents, and serving as the primary caregiver for and eventual executor of my uncle’s estate, I struggled to manage all the unavoidable administrative tasks that accompany aging, end-of-life, and after loss.

It can take over 500 hours of effort and 100+ tasks for an executor to settle an estate. And executors are expected to complete these tasks, which are for the most part ones they have never done before, all while trying to grieve, work, take care of their family and/or prioritize their mental health.

I searched for help with the tasks, paperwork and logistics in the weeks and months after my losses but struggled with where to turn. I experienced this struggle personally and noticed that there was a gap in the market of businesses meeting this need.

They say that need is the mother of invention, … At AfterLight, our goal is to provide overwhelmed executors with practical, personalized support. We’re on a mission to help the living deal with dying, fostering lighter hearts and lighter loads. AfterLight assists clients in managing the unavoidable administrative tasks associated with after loss and legacy planning. Whether you’re facing an unexpected loss or want to prepare your legacy so your family can grieve in peace and settle your affairs with ease, AfterLight is the answer to your overwhelm.

After my own experiences with loss, [...] I struggled to manage all the unavoidable administrative tasks that accompany aging, end-of-life, and after loss.

Goodwin: An interesting parallel between your work at AfterLight and the act of Artifcting is that both are about human behavior and habits. If we want better outcomes, we have to take steps proactively to do something about it, whatever the “it” is. What do you find are the one or two most challenging steps for people to take in terms of planning and preparedness?

Donnelly: In my opinion, the primary challenge is our discomfort with the fact that we know how this ends – i.e., that we’re all going to die someday. Therefore, many people avoid thinking about it or taking action, as though doing so might somehow become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The second challenge is that organizing one's affairs can be overwhelmingly complex, because people don’t really understand how it works and therefore, it's easy to be unaware of all of the steps they need to take to not leave a flaming dumpster fire for their family. Along the same vein, legacy planning is often filled with misconceptions. I've come across various attitudes, from "My kids are smart, they'll figure it out," to "My estate isn't significant enough to warrant planning," or even "I'll be dead and won't care."

I've come across various attitudes, from "My kids are smart, they'll figure it out," to "My estate isn't significant enough to warrant planning," or even "I'll be dead and won't care."

Goodwin: So, it is Make-a-Will month. Obviously, some people don’t even have wills (yet), while others simply need to update their wills. But there are also those of us who have wills that check the box only. Wills can and should do more to help people through grief by very intentionally addressing legacy, memories, and even anticipated points of … ahem, contention … among family members and other heirs. In your view, how can folks take a good, better, best approach to life preparedness this month?

Donnelly: I believe that approaching life preparedness with intentionality and strategy, rather than simply treating it as a checklist of documents, leads to a more comprehensive and meaningful end-result.

When working with our clients one-on-one, we take on the roles of accountability partner, coach, and organizer. Our aim is to help our clients to explore critical questions they may not have considered, procrastinated on, or underestimated the importance of. Some of these important questions include:

- If you do have estate planning documents (such as a will, trust, financial power of attorney, and advance directives for healthcare), does your family know how to access them? Where are these documents located?
- Have you shared the unlock codes for your phone and computer with a trusted contact?
- Are your beneficiaries correctly designated and up to date?
- Do your loved ones know your funeral wishes?
- Have you communicated with your family about who will inherit specific items of personal property and when? (Hello! Get going on Artifcts!)
- There’s no better solution to convey what everything is, what it means to you and your family, and WHY you are gifting it to the person you’ve chosen.)
- Does your family have a clear understanding of your debts and assets, including a comprehensive list?

@rbdonne is a "family keeper" for family heirlooms big and small.

A vintage oak icebox and cricket cage, each brought forward through generations. Click an image to view on Artifcts.

An antique cricket cage

By addressing these questions and actively engaging in the planning process, we can each achieve a more well-rounded and thoughtful approach to securing our legacies and ensuring our loved ones are better prepared for the future. And who knows, you might even have some fun in the process, especially if you share as you go via Artifcts.

______________

You may also enjoy these additional ARTIcles by Artifcts:

Gift Your Loved Ones a "Why"

What Have You Done for Your Legacy Lately?

Storytellers, Beware!

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Oldies-But-Goodies: Summer Reading List from the Artifcts Archives

If you're anything like us, you probably have your favorite newsletters piling up in your inboxes all week, all month, all quarter long. We know how great they are, loaded with useful information, new research, fun tips and more, but the days can be so full. And we want to devote our attention to them, so we save them and wait until we have more time. Is summer that time for you?

If ARTIcles by Artifcts is new to you or piling up from your busy days and months, we’ve compiled a few of our favorites from over the years into your next summer reading list, perfect for your next roadtrip, airplane ride, or other adventure over your summer holidays.

While creating this list made us a bit nostalgic, it also reminded us why we’re here – helping us all to transform our relationships to our ‘stuff’ and to each other, one memory, one story, one Artifct at a time. Enjoy!

Artifcts Co-founder Heather Nickerson’s Summer Reading List

USE ARTIFCTS TIMELINES TO ENRICH YOUR FAMILY HISTORY

Have you tried keeping track of your family history? Although I'm a 12th generation Nickerson, I am allergic to genealogy apps or any type of software that makes me feel like I’m embarking on a senior thesis project. Artifcts Timelines however are a (nice cool summer) breeze. Read now -->

A FAMILY HISTORY IN FIVE ARTIFCTS

When push comes to shove, could you tell your life story in five Artifcts? Which Artifcts would you choose? I’m not sure I could, which is why I love this piece. Read now -->

STUCK IN THE MIDDLE WITH STUFF: THE SANDWICH GENERATION

These days I'm feeling more like a panini than a sandwich, trying to plan for yet another move with all our 'stuff' while working full time at Artifcts. This one speaks to all of us who are trying to juggle kids, parents, four-legged dependents, and our jobs, and not always in that order. Read now -->

A VIRTUAL IMPOSSIBILITY OF KEEPING UP WITH ALL MY DIGITAL PHOTOS

Guilty as charged. This will be mandatory reading for EVERY family member this summer as I refuse to pay for yet another upgrade to our Apple storage plan. Read now -->

15 DECLUTTERING TARGETS FOR ARTIFCTERS

It's actionable, and as my youngest used to say, “Chop, chop!” I think my father is secretly looking forward to a couple of extra helping hands this summer as we tackle the basement with this list in hand. Read now -->

Artifcts Co-founder Ellen Goodwin’s Summer Reading List

SOUNDS OF SUMMER – VINYL EDITION

Music is magical. We use it to teach. We use it to celebrate and recover. We even use it to reconnect with loved ones who have been robbed of so much by dementia, but the powerful memories of music bring them joy. What music would make your ‘best of’ cut? Read now -->

FROM RARE ART TO FAMILY HEIRLOOMS: TIPS FROM A MASTER AS YOU CONSIDER SELLING YOUR ‘STUFF’

Too often we are our own worst enemies, procrastinating, inflating expectations, and worse when it comes to downsizing and decluttering objects we own. We've taken to heart the perspective and truths that Antiques Roadshow host Lark Mason shared with us from his decades of experience working with families as they auctioned away pieces of their family history. Read now -->

FIVE LESSONS FROM ARTIFCTING WITH MY MOTHER (+ The Epilogue!)

Artifcting is about connection, one on one, in groups, as communities. This story comes from the heart, offering guidelines to make the most of your time Artifcting with your loved ones. Read now -->

PINT-SIZED PERSPECTIVE ON DECLUTTERING & MOVING

It can be hard to be 5, 6, or 7, or any age under 18 really. So little control over nearly everything! This article is about bringing kids into the decluttering and downsizing game to give them back some control as you prepare to move. Don’t miss a more recent article on this theme from our friend Matt Paxton, too. Read now -->

HOW TO TAKE PICTURES OF OBJECTS AT HOME

The team at Artifcts wants to support you as much as possible, every step of the way. So when our members ask us for tips—like how to take nice pictures of ‘stuff’—we do everything we can to respond and help. Aesthetics matter! Details matter! If you want to level up from our at-home advice, we collected photo tips from a pro, too. Read now -->

We wish you all the best over these summer months. Happy reading, happy Artifcting!

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June 18, 2025

FEATURED

Who Wants Your Family China?

Last week while out walking my dog, I ran into a neighbor. As usual, we started chatting, and 20 minutes later my dog had given up and laid down realizing the walk was on pause.

My neighbor had just returned from a trip to see her son, daughter-in-law, and grandbabies out in Utah. During her visit, she updated her family on some remodeling and upgrades at the family home in Austin. As a part of this process, she’d been required to relocate items around the house to make room for the contractors to do their thing.

By actually picking up and taking stock of items she hadn’t even thought about in years, and being an avid fan of Artifcts, she paused to think, “What is all this? Why am I holding onto it? What am I going to do with it next?”

She told her son she planned to donate the family china sets—yes, plural—and probably even old leaded crystal glasses and bowls that had fallen into disuse. “I know you don’t want my stuff. I read about it in the paper every day. I get it.”

Except, she was wrong.

Her daughter-in-law did not see it as sentimental clutter, as many her age tend to do. She intsead chimed in, "Didn't one of the sets belong to Alex's great grandmother?“ It had, and her daughter-in-law said, "In that case, I want it. It’s family. Same goes for the crystal.”

Future Options for Your China Set

The irony, according to my neighbor, is that while her daughter-in-law may want her china and crystal, shipping it will be expensive, and it will almost certainly sit in their storage unit in Utah. They live in an adorable bungalow where there’s no space for china.

“I hope I can take it to them myself the next time I take a road trip out to see them. Somehow it makes her feel good to hold onto it. That’s fine by me as long as I don’t have to!”

If your china set has fallen into disuse, think carefully through your options:

Sell

We think that for you to make the best decision, you need all the facts. If you intend to sell your china, do not expect it to be a major money maker. Better to be okay with “something is better than nothing” even if we all know there are wild exceptions out there in the world, like these ceramic plates that sold for over $25,000 at auction.

A simple online search can give you an idea of what your set is selling for in the current market. Because of shipping costs, you’re likely constrained, but for some china (because of the designer, pattern, or quality) shipping may not a barrier. You might discover a single plate will sell for $85 or $3. Check around with sites like liveauctioneers.com, eBay, Etsy, and 1stDibs.

Some online marketplaces, such as Replacements.com, buy china to then sell it off piece by piece to people who are looking for replacements for their set. But read the fine print. Some sites make quotes pending receipt of the items, and then once they receive the items, they could reduce their offer. And the price a piece sells for is going to be substantially different from what they pay you. Know this and be okay letting it go.

Family and Friends

You really do have to ask!

Do not assume that no one wants it.

Ignore those news headlines.

You might have a friend, neighbor, or loved one with a desire for your china. But avoid attaching strings to that gift. If you give away your china, and they then turn around and break up the set, transform it, or eventually get rid of it, no harm, no foul!

Keep a Few Pieces

If you’re feeling sentimental or even guilty about letting go of something that was a part of so many family occasions or was originally expensive to purchase, holding onto a few pieces of the set might help you let go of the rest. Perhaps you keep only the tea cups, only the dessert plates, or a platter and/or serving bowl. That can sometimes be enough.

For others of you, you may decide that you need still less. A single cup can become a decoration on a shelf. Or you can use it bedside to float a candle or a single flower.

tea cup and saucer on stack of books

Donate

Donations can be difficult for china. They take up a lot of space and are naturally delicate. Call your local charities and thrift stores to see what they are interested in before you pack it up and haul it over.

Create

If you are the crafty type, we’ve seen creative options for smashing china and setting it into paver stones for gardens and pathways. Others carefully break, arrange, and 3D frame pieces for stunning and creative textual art.

Artifct That

You might decide you’re keeping your china, because you’re enjoying using it or simply looking at it. You might decide it’s out of here, tomorrow!

Either way, Artifct that to record its history, like our co-founder Heather did for the china set inherited from her mother-in-law.

Artifcting your china, or any piece of it that you are partial to, and sharing that Artifct can open up conversations you never expected. Sharing might also help you complete the “In the future” field in your Artifct.

Here are some tips for making future plans for your china:

- - If you want that china to “Stay in the family,” make sure they understand why through the story you provide in the Artifct.
  - If you plan to sell it, great, choose “Sell,” and set a reminder for yourself and Artifcts will email you to help keep you on schedule.

option in Artifct form to set a reminder to sell an item

- - If a loved one sees the Artifct and is in love with the china set, fabulous. You can indicate “Bequeath” and to whom.
  - Selling it tomorrow? Mark, “Too late! Already gone. Enjoy the memory.” to save your loved ones from a frustrating scavenger hunt.

No matter your plans for your china, make them known to your loved ones, and prepare yourself to let it go to a new home.

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by Ellen Goodwin, Artifcts

June 11, 2025

DECLUTTERING & ORGANIZING

How to Get Your Kids to Help Clear Out the Clutter

They do say, "The proof is in the pudding," and this weekend my sons found out that Artifcts is the way to get through the 'stuff' and out the other side to the lives they want to be living.

Our mission on Saturday was to clear out a corner of our garage so we could create a small gym for our family. Standing in our way was a bunch of clutter, almost exclusively the sentimental type, and some of which belonged to each member of our family.

I do this for a living, clearing out homes, and knew a few strategies to help us get the job done, and done better. Chief among them is using the Artifcts app to keep track of what goes, what stays, and why it mattered to us.

I kicked off our cleanout effort by Artifcting my old skateboard. My Lance Mountain, Powell Peralta skateboard from 1988. This board was more important to me than most. I saved my money for it, I purchased it, and it was my only means of transportation for two summers.

CLICK THE IMAGE to check out Matt Paxton's Artifct about his childhood skateboard, told while riding said skateboard one last time.

That board has been with me for 35 years. Odds of me riding it again and avoiding serious injury or sudden death are slim. It was time for it to go. Even though I’ve been downsizing other people’s homes for decades, it’s always special when it’s my items, with my kids. I still get excited when they ask me questions about my childhood.

Then it came to boxes belonging to my boys with childhood 'stuff' in it. You know the stuff - ribbons, artwork, school papers. Someone thought it was special and hung onto it but now even my boys only got a laugh out of it and wanted to recycle it. My son Temple was totally into recording the story behind some of his more creative efforts, and photographing it all, before tossing it.

In a humorous and insightful twist of events, when my wife—who has literally written the book on practical minimalism for families—found out we Artifcted Temple's pizza slice and recycled, she was distressed. "No one asked me!" See, it can be hard to let that sentimental stuff go, even for the pros! Artifcts gave her solace.

What could have been a fast, let's ditch everything, so sorry we can't keep it all effort, turned into a great morning together. Beyond great. Did you listen to what he said in his Artifct? Pure gold to this dad.

And we're left with a clear garage space and a collection of new Artifcts to remember it by. In the end, my youngest son said, “This is cool! We should Artifct more ‘stuff’,” and I said, “Yes, Temple. We should.” And we will…

Bottom line: Artifcts works. Try it for you. Try it for them. Try it free today at Artficts.com. Let them know Matt Paxton sent you.

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by Matt Paxton, author, TV host, & founder of Clutter Cleaner

June 04, 2025

DECLUTTERING & ORGANIZING, KIDS

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