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"My Parent is a Hoarder"

contributors Melissa Autry and Matt Paxton
March 26, 2025

Audrey and her mother have always had a tricky relationship. While some people talk about the teenage years being strained, their relationship was strained from the very first sleepless nights when Audrey was a baby. Beyond the love lived a mix of frustration, embarrassment, and distrust that only worsened as Audrey grew older.

At the heart of it all, in Audrey’s view, is a legacy of too much stuff. She never invited friends to her home because she was embarrassed by the chaos of her mother’s clutter throughout their home. She didn’t even enjoy spending time there unless she stayed in her room, behind a locked door, where her mother’s stuff could not invade.

Now as an adult, she and her children visit her mom several times a year, and in each visit her mom attempts to gift her boxes of things she’s been saving for her. But in Audrey’s words, “I am going through boxes of nightmare. Nightmare! She’s blocking me with a bunch of s***.”

I am going through boxes of nightmare. Nightmare! She's blocking me with a bunch of s***. - Adult child, boxes of childhood memorabilia, at mother's home 

And there you have it – for Audrey the stuff creates a barrier between her and her mother, depriving her of the relationship she wants for herself and her children.

And who can blame her? Don’t we all want more than a cardboard box of memories?

a sun porch with boxes and boxes of "stuff"

So many boxes. What is it all? When did anyone last open them? What will become of them next? Photo credit: Janet Wilson.

As adult children begin looking at their parents’ homes with fresh eyes, they wonder: Is it safe? Is it healthy? And, someday, will it fall to them to clean it all out and decide what goes, what stays, and who gets it next? What was once their parents’ problem may soon become their own.

And guess what? The adult kids are not having it. We hear from them every week at ​Artifcts​, when they express with a dose of disbelief the fact their parents are in no rush to downsize all that ‘stuff.'

Of course, the sense that a parent is a hoarder, “But not really, or maybe just a light hoarder,” is just a broad brushed way of saying it’s too much to deal with and they need help. And not all stories are as negative as Audrey’s story.

Patrick wrote to us to share that he was raised by two parents who loved him unconditionally and taught him to appreciate what it meant to be a collector. This passion sparked an interest in the arts that has carried through to his career as a museum curator.

But as his parents aged and declining health became a more pressing issue, Patrick told us, “What once appeared to be connoisseurship soon looked more like hoarding as I started sifting through their pieces.” He went on, “It was TRAUMATIZING, having to figure this all out for them, let alone do so at the age when most of my peers weren’t even remotely close to being confronted with these types of issues.”

Join us in today’s ARTIcles story as we peel back the worry and fear of adult children who have parents who have enjoyed collecting and accumulating ‘stuff.’ We’ll explore hoarding disorder in more detail and share strategies to help adult children navigate their parents and themselves to safer ground.

What is Hoarding? (And What is It Not?) 

Much as nostalgia historically was misunderstood, so too has hoarding gone through an evolution in science and the mainstream.

Hoarding has been clinically studied for decades, but public awareness only surged after the TV show Hoarders premiered in 2009. Until then, most people had never witnessed the severity and dangers of hoarded living spaces. Academic research—particularly work by Dr. Mary E. Dozier and Dr. Catherine R. Ayers—underscores how object attachment intensifies as we grow older, further emphasizing the profound emotional and psychological factors that drive hoarding behaviors.

DSM-5 CRITERIA FOR HOARDING DISORDER

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), the reference guide mental health professionals use to support diagnoses of psychiatric conditions, classifies hoarding disorder (HD) under obsessive-compulsive and related disorders. The DSM describes a person who has “persistent difficulty discarding or parting with possessions, regardless of their actual value. This difficulty is due to a perceived need to save the items and to the distress associated with discarding them.”

Importantly, the DSM-5 states that hoarding impairs a person’s ability to use their spaces and the items within as they intended. As Audrey’s earlier story illustrates, it can also cause “clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupation, or other important areas of functioning (including maintaining a safe environment safe for oneself or others.)” What does this look like in real life? It ranges from health hazards like vermin infestations or blocked exists, to emotional stress and family conflict.

Studies show that hoarding behaviors worsen over time, particularly as older adults develop stronger attachments to personal belongings (Dozier & Ayers, 2020). By the time a family member recognizes the problem—by the telltale overwhelming accumulation of stuff—the condition has deepened and evolved and may be linked to other conditions, such as depression, anxiety, and ADHD.

If you suspect hoarding disorder, experts recommend seeking a mental health evaluation. Professional help can involve therapies like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), sometimes combined with medications to address any co-occurring conditions, such as depression or anxiety. Resources for help are provided at the end of this article.

NO, THAT’S NOT "HOARDING"

You might be wondering then, where is that line between disorder and, well, not!

It’s important to recognize that hoarding is not the same as collecting, even if that means multiple and/or large, usually well-organized, collections throughout a home.

Notice the word “organized” inserted there? That’s because collections are further distinguishable from clutter. According to the DSM, clutter is “a large group of usually unrelated or marginally related objects piled together in a disorganized fashion in spaces design for other purposes (e.g. tabletop, floor, hallway).”

Collectors often systematically organize and proudly display their collections (e.g., stamps, vinyl records, or figurines). These items may have monetary or sentimental value, but they typically do not obstruct the normal use of living spaces.

In contrast, hoarded items are often:  

      • Randomly piled or disorganized 
      • Kept “just in case” but rarely accessed/used 
      • Spreading into spaces needed for daily living (e.g., kitchens, bathrooms, bedrooms).

In addition to collections being organized, the International OCD Foundation (IOCDF) highlights the importance of the location of the collections as opposed to clutter, too. Clutter accumulated in your basement and attic is commonplace, as both locations are the typical catchalls and storage solutions in homes.

The key questions are:

      • Does the stuff interfere with daily life and cause distress, for the individual and their family?  
      • Are they able and willing to part with items, whether through giving them to a loved one, selling, donating, or disposing of them?

Hoarding Disorder and Insights for “Non-Hoarders”

"Well, my parents aren't hoarders but nearly!" Generally adult children who describe their parents ​offhand ​as “hoarders” do not mean it. Rarely do their parents actually have hoarding disorder, and they know it. But the fear of all that ​‘​​s​​tuff’ is real​.

Finding a foothold in the chaos is important as is a path forward. We spoke with experts in hoarding disorder to elicit strategies and lessons for those adult kids ready to take steps toward a better future for their parents, however defined, and feel less like Don Quixote in the process. While we are talking about adult children, these strategies are adaptable to all with a little imagination.

Insights from 25 Years in the Field, with Melissa Autry

Melissa Autry, CSA, CPO, CPO-CD, is a Hoarding Remediation Expert and industry advocate who has been working with people who have HD for more than 35 years. It makes one wonder, who was her mentor back then, when awareness of never mind specialization in this disorder was surely lacking! And sure enough, she told us she had to invent her own job title.

Melissa specializes in safety and habitability, often working in extreme environments. She reminds families: 

"Every case is different because every person's relationship with their stuff is different." 

“It’s not only about the amount of stuff or the loss of use of the home. It’s about a person’s emotional equity with their possessions. Nine times out of ten, they’re not working with a mental health professional. Sometimes, the safety issues outweigh the mental health need—ask any firefighter! According to the Massachusetts Department of Fire Services, hoarding was a factor in 24% of fatal residential fires between 1999 and 2009. While both matter, a compromised structure takes priority when there is an immediate risk of loss of life.” 

Hoarding remediation is hazardous work, often requiring hazmat suits to handle biohazards, mold, pests, and toxic materials. But Melissa believes that every case is an opportunity to improve someone’s quality of life—and sometimes, even save a life (people and pets). 

She also emphasizes that while health and safety come first, personal contents matter, too—especially irreplaceable items like photos, letters, and memorabilia:

“There may be some really happy, healthy stories out there—and I love those. But our phone rings when nothing else has worked, when families are overwhelmed, and when they don’t even know how to start the conversation.” 

“We tell stories through our stuff and experiences. I look at personal belongings like the gift shop at the adventure park—Our Life!"

Here is Melissa’s top advice for all of you adult children and families, distilled into 8 key points:

1. Every adult child is like an only child. 
No two siblings experience a parent the same way. Each child has a unique relationship with their parent based on individual experiences, personalities, and past interactions. What works for one won’t necessarily work for another. 

2. The parent-child dynamic evolves—sometimes painfully.
To a parent, you are always 12 years old—frozen in time. To an adult child, your own life experiences have shaped who you are, making it difficult to fit back into old roles. As your parent ages and needs help, the roles can slowly reverse—where you find yourself parenting your parent. This shift can be emotionally complex, especially if the original relationship was strained. 

3. Delayed trauma responses and emotional triggers are real.
If your relationship with your parent was unhealthy or complicated, stepping into a caregiving role can be extremely triggering. It may stir up old wounds, unresolved conflicts, or memories of neglect and emotional distress. Yet now your parent needs help, and navigating these emotions can be really rough. 

4. Understand the emotional attachment to items.
Ask about meaningful objects before pushing for decluttering. Building trust is the goal—not forcing change.

A personal den, curated with furnishings and memorabilia

A curated collection, a curated life, some items valuable, some items sentimental, all items honoring a life lived. Parting with them can be complex and emotional. Photo credit: Janet Wilson.

5. Appraisals can shift the conversation.
Assigning a monetary value can help separate financial worth from emotional worth (emotional equity) and clarify whether an item should be kept, sold, donated, or discarded. 

6. Avoid “overhelping.”
Pushing too hard can backfire, making your loved one more resistant instead of more willing. Overhelping is a lose/lose scenario—both parties end up frustrated. 

7. Recognize shifting roles.
The evolving dynamic between parent and adult child can feel unfamiliar and unsettling. You may no longer have anything in common other than the fact that you were both present during your childhood. Understanding this shift helps manage expectations and reduces emotional strain. 

8. Practice self-care.
Decluttering a loved one’s home can be emotionally exhausting. While the phrase “no good deed goes unpunished” may ring true, caregiver fatigue is real. Everyone involved—parents, adult children, and professionals—benefits when a structured plan is in place with both a Plan A and Plan B. 

  • Mental Health Support for Adult Children 

Melissa also encourages adult children to consider their own mental health as they support parents who are downsizing their lifetime of belongings. “It’s a stressful and emotionally taxing experience. Adult children often benefit from speaking with mental health professionals, not just for the parent’s well-being, but also for their own emotional resilience.”  

Melissa recommends online platforms like BetterHelp or in-person therapists who can provide coping strategies, stress management, and guidance for navigating complex family dynamics. You can find these and other resources at the end of this article.

Lessons Beyond the TV Show Hoarders, with Matt Paxton

We also sat down with someone who came into the HD specialty with a more public flare, so to speak. Matt Paxton, best known for his 15 seasons on Hoarders, has spent nearly 25 years helping families declutter. His philosophy? 

“Keep the memories, lose the stuff," which happens to also be the title of his book.

In Paxton’s newest venture, Clutter Cleaner, he trains professionals in practical strategies drawn from his extensive field experience, including his work individuals with hoarding disorder and their families. He emphasizes the following lessons: 

Start Small. 
Overwhelming someone with big demands will likely cause them to shut down. Smaller, more manageable steps are far more effective in building trust and momentum. It's not about what you get done, it's about getting started and keeping going.

Prioritize Safety. 
Clear pathways, remove fire hazards, and focus on habitability first. A safe environment is the foundation for any further progress.

Use Humor. 
Hoarding can be emotionally heavy. Lightening the mood at appropriate moments keeps everyone engaged and reduces tension.

Focus on Progress, Not Perfection.
Any step forward—no matter how small—is a significant victory. Perfection is neither realistic nor necessary for positive change. “Focus on what you have achieved, not on what is yet to be completed. Mindset is everything,” says Matt.

Encourage Mental Health Support. 
Professional help, such as therapy or support groups, is key to lasting success. Forced cleanouts without psychological support fail to address the root causes of hoarding disorder and are never successful. “In my 20+ years of cleaning out hoarded homes,” said Matt, “if the client doesn't receive some sort of therapy, the clean-out fails 100% of the time.” 

Remember, you need not be alone in this work, parsing through the belongings of a loved one. Resources abound to help you from these tips to the linked resources below.

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HOARDING DISORDER AND OTHER MENTAL HEALTH SUPPORT RESOURCES

Ultimately, knowledge, compassion, and structured professional intervention remain the most powerful tools to transform a household overrun by possessions into a home that fosters well-being for everyone involved. By recognizing the clinical realities of hoarding disorder, seeking professional guidance, and approaching loved ones with empathy, adult children can create a pathway toward safer homes and healthier relationships.

© 2025 Artifcts, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

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Oldies-But-Goodies: Summer Reading List from the Artifcts Archives

If you're anything like us, you probably have your favorite newsletters piling up in your inboxes all week, all month, all quarter long. We know how great they are, loaded with useful information, new research, fun tips and more, but the days can be so full. And we want to devote our attention to them, so we save them and wait until we have more time. Is summer that time for you?

If ARTIcles by Artifcts is new to you or piling up from your busy days and months, we’ve compiled a few of our favorites from over the years into your next summer reading list, perfect for your next roadtrip, airplane ride, or other adventure over your summer holidays.

While creating this list made us a bit nostalgic, it also reminded us why we’re here – helping us all to transform our relationships to our ‘stuff’ and to each other, one memory, one story, one Artifct at a time. Enjoy!  

Artifcts Co-founder Heather Nickerson’s Summer Reading List 

USE ARTIFCTS TIMELINES TO ENRICH YOUR FAMILY HISTORY

Have you tried keeping track of your family history? Although I'm a 12th generation Nickerson, I am allergic to genealogy apps or any type of software that makes me feel like I’m embarking on a senior thesis project. Artifcts Timelines however are a (nice cool summer) breeze. Read now -->

A FAMILY HISTORY IN FIVE ARTIFCTS 

When push comes to shove, could you tell your life story in five Artifcts? Which Artifcts would you choose? I’m not sure I could, which is why I love this piece. Read now --> 

STUCK IN THE MIDDLE WITH STUFF: THE SANDWICH GENERATION

These days I'm feeling more like a panini than a sandwich, trying to plan for yet another move with all our 'stuff' while working full time at Artifcts. This one speaks to all of us who are trying to juggle kids, parents, four-legged dependents, and our jobs, and not always in that order. Read now --> 

A VIRTUAL IMPOSSIBILITY OF KEEPING UP WITH ALL MY DIGITAL PHOTOS 

Guilty as charged. This will be mandatory reading for EVERY family member this summer as I refuse to pay for yet another upgrade to our Apple storage plan. Read now -->

15 DECLUTTERING TARGETS FOR ARTIFCTERS

It's actionable, and as my youngest used to say, “Chop, chop!” I think my father is secretly looking forward to a couple of extra helping hands this summer as we tackle the basement with this list in hand. Read now -->

Artifcts Co-founder Ellen Goodwin’s Summer Reading List 

SOUNDS OF SUMMER – VINYL EDITION 

Music is magical. We use it to teach. We use it to celebrate and recover. We even use it to reconnect with loved ones who have been robbed of so much by dementia, but the powerful memories of music bring them joy. What music would make your ‘best of’ cut? Read now -->

FROM RARE ART TO FAMILY HEIRLOOMS: TIPS FROM A MASTER AS YOU CONSIDER SELLING YOUR ‘STUFF’ 

Too often we are our own worst enemies, procrastinating, inflating expectations, and worse when it comes to downsizing and decluttering objects we own. We've taken to heart the perspective and truths that Antiques Roadshow host Lark Mason shared with us from his decades of experience working with families as they auctioned away pieces of their family history. Read now -->

FIVE LESSONS FROM ARTIFCTING WITH MY MOTHER (+ The Epilogue!) 

Artifcting is about connection, one on one, in groups, as communities. This story comes from the heart, offering guidelines to make the most of your time Artifcting with your loved ones. Read now --> 

PINT-SIZED PERSPECTIVE ON DECLUTTERING & MOVING 

It can be hard to be 5, 6, or 7, or any age under 18 really. So little control over nearly everything! This article is about bringing kids into the decluttering and downsizing game to give them back some control as you prepare to move. Don’t miss a more recent article on this theme from our friend Matt Paxton, too. Read now --> 

HOW TO TAKE PICTURES OF OBJECTS AT HOME 

The team at Artifcts wants to support you as much as possible, every step of the way. So when our members ask us for tips—like how to take nice pictures of ‘stuff’—we do everything we can to respond and help. Aesthetics matter! Details matter! If you want to level up from our at-home advice, we collected photo tips from a pro, too. Read now -->

We wish you all the best over these summer months. Happy reading, happy Artifcting!

###

© 2025 Artifcts, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

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Who Wants Your Family China?

Last week while out walking my dog, I ran into a neighbor. As usual, we started chatting, and 20 minutes later my dog had given up and laid down realizing the walk was on pause.

My neighbor had just returned from a trip to see her son, daughter-in-law, and grandbabies out in Utah. During her visit, she updated her family on some remodeling and upgrades at the family home in Austin. As a part of this process, she’d been required to relocate items around the house to make room for the contractors to do their thing.

By actually picking up and taking stock of items she hadn’t even thought about in years, and being an avid fan of Artifcts, she paused to think, “What is all this? Why am I holding onto it? What am I going to do with it next?”

She told her son she planned to donate the family china sets—yes, plural—and probably even old leaded crystal glasses and bowls that had fallen into disuse. “I know you don’t want my stuff. I read about it in the paper every day. I get it.”

Except, she was wrong.  

Her daughter-in-law did not see it as sentimental clutter, as many her age tend to do. She intsead chimed in, "Didn't one of the sets belong to Alex's great grandmother?“ It had, and her daughter-in-law said, "In that case, I want it. It’s family. Same goes for the crystal.”

Future Options for Your China Set

The irony, according to my neighbor, is that while her daughter-in-law may want her china and crystal, shipping it will be expensive, and it will almost certainly sit in their storage unit in Utah. They live in an adorable bungalow where there’s no space for china.

“I hope I can take it to them myself the next time I take a road trip out to see them. Somehow it makes her feel good to hold onto it. That’s fine by me as long as I don’t have to!”

If your china set has fallen into disuse, think carefully through your options:

Sell

We think that for you to make the best decision, you need all the facts. If you intend to sell your china, do not expect it to be a major money maker. Better to be okay with “something is better than nothing” even if we all know there are wild exceptions out there in the world, like these ceramic plates that sold for over $25,000 at auction.

A simple online search can give you an idea of what your set is selling for in the current market. Because of shipping costs, you’re likely constrained, but for some china (because of the designer, pattern, or quality) shipping may not a barrier. You might discover a single plate will sell for $85 or $3. Check around with sites like liveauctioneers.com, eBay, Etsy, and 1stDibs.

Some online marketplaces, such as Replacements.com, buy china to then sell it off piece by piece to people who are looking for replacements for their set. But read the fine print. Some sites make quotes pending receipt of the items, and then once they receive the items, they could reduce their offer. And the price a piece sells for is going to be substantially different from what they pay you. Know this and be okay letting it go.

Family and Friends 

You really do have to ask!

Do not assume that no one wants it.

Ignore those news headlines.

You might have a friend, neighbor, or loved one with a desire for your china. But avoid attaching strings to that gift. If you give away your china, and they then turn around and break up the set, transform it, or eventually get rid of it, no harm, no foul!

Keep a Few Pieces 

If you’re feeling sentimental or even guilty about letting go of something that was a part of so many family occasions or was originally expensive to purchase, holding onto a few pieces of the set might help you let go of the rest. Perhaps you keep only the tea cups, only the dessert plates, or a platter and/or serving bowl. That can sometimes be enough.

For others of you, you may decide that you need still less. A single cup can become a decoration on a shelf. Or you can use it bedside to float a candle or a single flower.

tea cup and saucer on stack of books

Donate

Donations can be difficult for china. They take up a lot of space and are naturally delicate. Call your local charities and thrift stores to see what they are interested in before you pack it up and haul it over.

Create

If you are the crafty type, we’ve seen creative options for smashing china and setting it into paver stones for gardens and pathways. Others carefully break, arrange, and 3D frame pieces for stunning and creative textual art. 

Artifct That 

You might decide you’re keeping your china, because you’re enjoying using it or simply looking at it. You might decide it’s out of here, tomorrow!

Either way, Artifct that to record its history, like our co-founder Heather did for the china set inherited from her mother-in-law.

Artifcting your china, or any piece of it that you are partial to, and sharing that Artifct can open up conversations you never expected. Sharing might also help you complete the “In the future” field in your Artifct.

Here are some tips for making future plans for your china:

      • If you want that china to “Stay in the family,” make sure they understand why through the story you provide in the Artifct.  
      • If you plan to sell it, great, choose “Sell,” and set a reminder for yourself and Artifcts will email you to help keep you on schedule.  

option in Artifct form to set a reminder to sell an item 

      • If a loved one sees the Artifct and is in love with the china set, fabulous. You can indicate “Bequeath” and to whom. 
      • Selling it tomorrow? Mark, “Too late! Already gone. Enjoy the memory.” to save your loved ones from a frustrating scavenger hunt. 

No matter your plans for your china, make them known to your loved ones, and prepare yourself to let it go to a new home.

###

© 2025 Artifcts, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

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How to Get Your Kids to Help Clear Out the Clutter 

They do say, "The proof is in the pudding," and this weekend my sons found out that Artifcts is the way to get through the 'stuff' and out the other side to the lives they want to be living.

Our mission on Saturday was to clear out a corner of our garage so we could create a small gym for our family. Standing in our way was a bunch of clutter, almost exclusively the sentimental type, and some of which belonged to each member of our family.

I do this for a living, clearing out homes, and knew a few strategies to help us get the job done, and done better. Chief among them is using the Artifcts app to keep track of what goes, what stays, and why it mattered to us.

I kicked off our cleanout effort by Artifcting my old skateboard. My Lance Mountain, Powell Peralta skateboard from 1988. This board was more important to me than most. I saved my money for it, I purchased it, and it was my only means of transportation for two summers.

Artifct about an old skateboard

 
 
CLICK THE IMAGE to check out Matt Paxton's Artifct about his childhood skateboard, told while riding said skateboard one last time.

That board has been with me for 35 years. Odds of me riding it again and avoiding serious injury or sudden death are slim. It was time for it to go. Even though I’ve been downsizing other people’s homes for decades, it’s always special when it’s my items, with my kids. I still get excited when they ask me questions about my childhood.

Then it came to boxes belonging to my boys with childhood 'stuff' in it. You know the stuff - ribbons, artwork, school papers. Someone thought it was special and hung onto it but now even my boys only got a laugh out of it and wanted to recycle it. My son Temple was totally into recording the story behind some of his more creative efforts, and photographing it all, before tossing it.

Child's artwork - a pizza slice

 
 
In a humorous and insightful twist of events, when my wife—who has literally written the book on practical minimalism for families—found out we Artifcted Temple's pizza slice and recycled, she was distressed. "No one asked me!" See, it can be hard to let that sentimental stuff go, even for the pros! Artifcts gave her solace.

What could have been a fast, let's ditch everything, so sorry we can't keep it all effort, turned into a great morning together. Beyond great. Did you listen to what he said in his Artifct? Pure gold to this dad.

And we're left with a clear garage space and a collection of new Artifcts to remember it by. In the end, my youngest son said, “This is cool! We should Artifct more ‘stuff’,” and I said, “Yes, Temple. We should.” And we will… 

Bottom line: Artifcts works. Try it for you. Try it for them. Try it free today at Artficts.com. Let them know Matt Paxton sent you.

###

© 2025 Artifcts, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

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