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CONVERSATION, LEGACY, PLANNING & MORE, GENEALOGY & FAMILY HISTORY

How Two Sisters Overcame the Guilt to Lighten the Load of Family Heirlooms

Ellen Goodwin, Artifcts

August 16, 2023

Reading time: 6 minutes

Up until a few years ago, Rachel Donnelly, founder and CEO of AfterLight, and her family owned their old family home that had been in their family since 1890. Imagine the history those walls could tell! This home, in Eastern Tennessee, was where Rachel’s great-grandparents lived, where her grandmother was born, and where her mother was raised. 

After Rachel’s mother died, the family made the difficult decision to sell this beloved turn-of-the-century Victorian home that was in Rachel’s words “slap full of absolutely everything from our family's life. China, silverware, crystal, knickknacks, handwritten letters, newspaper clippings, coin collections, and of course, countless pieces of big brown furniture. You name it, it was in this house.” 

Buckle up, ladies and gents, we're going on a guilt trip.

Rachel and her sister grew up with the expectation that the items filling this family home would one day fill their own homes, including the big brown furniture. Their mother made them swear they'd never get rid of these items that, in her mind, were priceless and irreplaceable. So, for years, Rachel and her sister were on a never-ending guilt trip.

Fast forward, and the sisters’ homes have indeed become orphanages for the big brown furniture and knickknacks that their mother passed down. But guess what? Guilt be darned - the sisters are fed up! The time has come for them to unload the stuff of generations past to homes where families will cherish the pieces of their mother’s estate that simply do not fit with their own lifestyles.

The sisters’ homes have become orphanages for the big brown furniture and knickknacks that their mother passed down.

We can all do better for the next generation.

What if we skip the proverbial guilt trip we create by unloading our stuff on our family, intentionally or not, and instead make a plan that will allow everyone to enjoy a trip down memory lane instead? At AfterLight, Rachel guides her clients down these planning paths every day. In honor of Make-A-Will Month this August, read on to learn some ins and outs that may help you on your way.

Ellen Goodwin: I imagine that based on that fun introduction to our conversation, people can easily picture you and your family in good ol’ southern U.S.A. And that’s really important context for our readers. Our family relationships as well as the types of ‘stuff’ we tend to collect and pass down as family heirlooms often differs by region.

Rachel Donnelly: Even though dealing with it was quite burdensome, I feel so fortunate to have had this family home as part of my childhood. This home was beloved by generations of my family and was full of so much history. The town in which the home was located was referred to as the "Utopia of Temperance," as it was a planned community where alcohol (aka the Devil's Drink) was strictly prohibited and any trace of liquor would lead to the property's confiscation by the city. Well, if walls could speak, they'd have tales to tell! I've always cherished the stories behind the various items in the house and what they symbolized in our heritage. My grandmother was an incredible cook and one of my prized possessions is her index box of recipes.

Goodwin: What is universal in life is loss. And you are at the very forefront of helping people in modern times get through the planning and after-loss realities. It’s complex! Please help our readers understand the “why” and “what” of AfterLight.

Donnelly: I like to say I received an immersive MDA (Master of Death Administration). After my own experiences with loss, including the death of my parents, and serving as the primary caregiver for and eventual executor of my uncle’s estate, I struggled to manage all the unavoidable administrative tasks that accompany aging, end-of-life, and after loss.

It can take over 500 hours of effort and 100+ tasks for an executor to settle an estate. And executors are expected to complete these tasks, which are for the most part ones they have never done before, all while trying to grieve, work, take care of their family and/or prioritize their mental health.

I searched for help with the tasks, paperwork and logistics in the weeks and months after my losses but struggled with where to turn. I experienced this struggle personally and noticed that there was a gap in the market of businesses meeting this need.

They say that need is the mother of invention, … At AfterLight, our goal is to provide overwhelmed executors with practical, personalized support. We’re on a mission to help the living deal with dying, fostering lighter hearts and lighter loads. AfterLight assists clients in managing the unavoidable administrative tasks associated with after loss and legacy planning. Whether you’re facing an unexpected loss or want to prepare your legacy so your family can grieve in peace and settle your affairs with ease, AfterLight is the answer to your overwhelm.

After my own experiences with loss, [...] I struggled to manage all the unavoidable administrative tasks that accompany aging, end-of-life, and after loss.

Goodwin: An interesting parallel between your work at AfterLight and the act of Artifcting is that both are about human behavior and habits. If we want better outcomes, we have to take steps proactively to do something about it, whatever the “it” is. What do you find are the one or two most challenging steps for people to take in terms of planning and preparedness?

Donnelly: In my opinion, the primary challenge is our discomfort with the fact that we know how this ends – i.e., that we’re all going to die someday. Therefore, many people avoid thinking about it or taking action, as though doing so might somehow become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The second challenge is that organizing one's affairs can be overwhelmingly complex, because people don’t really understand how it works and therefore, it's easy to be unaware of all of the steps they need to take to not leave a flaming dumpster fire for their family. Along the same vein, legacy planning is often filled with misconceptions. I've come across various attitudes, from "My kids are smart, they'll figure it out," to "My estate isn't significant enough to warrant planning," or even "I'll be dead and won't care."

I've come across various attitudes, from "My kids are smart, they'll figure it out," to "My estate isn't significant enough to warrant planning," or even "I'll be dead and won't care."

Goodwin: So, it is Make-a-Will month. Obviously, some people don’t even have wills (yet), while others simply need to update their wills. But there are also those of us who have wills that check the box only. Wills can and should do more to help people through grief by very intentionally addressing legacy, memories, and even anticipated points of … ahem, contention … among family members and other heirs. In your view, how can folks take a good, better, best approach to life preparedness this month?

Donnelly: I believe that approaching life preparedness with intentionality and strategy, rather than simply treating it as a checklist of documents, leads to a more comprehensive and meaningful end-result.

When working with our clients one-on-one, we take on the roles of accountability partner, coach, and organizer. Our aim is to help our clients to explore critical questions they may not have considered, procrastinated on, or underestimated the importance of. Some of these important questions include:

- If you do have estate planning documents (such as a will, trust, financial power of attorney, and advance directives for healthcare), does your family know how to access them? Where are these documents located?
- Have you shared the unlock codes for your phone and computer with a trusted contact?
- Are your beneficiaries correctly designated and up to date?
- Do your loved ones know your funeral wishes?
- Have you communicated with your family about who will inherit specific items of personal property and when? (Hello! Get going on Artifcts!)
- There’s no better solution to convey what everything is, what it means to you and your family, and WHY you are gifting it to the person you’ve chosen.)
- Does your family have a clear understanding of your debts and assets, including a comprehensive list?

@rbdonne is a "family keeper" for family heirlooms big and small.

A vintage oak icebox and cricket cage, each brought forward through generations. Click an image to view on Artifcts.

An antique cricket cage

By addressing these questions and actively engaging in the planning process, we can each achieve a more well-rounded and thoughtful approach to securing our legacies and ensuring our loved ones are better prepared for the future. And who knows, you might even have some fun in the process, especially if you share as you go via Artifcts.

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You may also enjoy these additional ARTIcles by Artifcts:

Gift Your Loved Ones a "Why"

What Have You Done for Your Legacy Lately?

Storytellers, Beware!

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Preserving and Sharing Your (Sports) Collection

Reading time: 4 minutes

Do Fall weekends find you cheering on your home team? Whether it’s football, baseball, swimming, or soccer, chances are you’ll catch a game or two either in person or with the 21.4 million viewers who tune in to watch their favorite Sunday night matchups.

Fall may also find you longing for adventure, whether it’s a short drive across town or across state lines or a flight across the country. It’s a great time to travel before the holiday rush, and an even better time to take in some of our country’s museum-worthy sports collections.

To inspire your trips, we’ve compiled the list below highlighting some of the best sporting collections our country has to offer. And in case you find yourself staring at your own sports collection, and you're not sure how to keep track of and share it with others, we've prepared tips about how to Artifct those collections, even if they are not destined for a museum.

Roadtrip Worthy Sporting Destinations

The National Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, NY is one of the most-visited sports museums in the US. The Museum boasts over 40,000 artifacts, including a baseball thrown by Cy Young in the first modern World Series.

A close second is the NASCAR Hall of Fame in Charlotte, North Carolina. One of the key features of the Museum is a banked speedway modeled after Talladega Superspeedway, featuring 18 cars and a salute to 46 tracks!

Want to view artifacts AND try your hand at your favorite sport? The International Tennis Hall of Fame and Museum in Newport, RI is adjacent to 13 grass courts open for public play. When not serving up a winning shot, you can watch video highlights from some of the greatest matches in history and learn about Hall of Famers Billie Jean King and Pete Sampras.

A short drive from Newport, RI will take you to Springfield, MA and the Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame. The Hall proudly displays artifacts from when James Naismith introduced the sport to his YMCA class in 1891 (!) in addition to interactive exhibits, skills challenges and decades of basketball history.

Building and Preserving Your Museum-Worthy Collection

Aside from having amazing collections and rare artifacts, museums tell stories—the stories of their sport, their legends, and the fans that make it all worthwhile. We get a glimpse into the greats, an understanding of their firsts, and maybe even come away with a newfound appreciation for the past times we love.

Museums preserve and safeguard artifacts for the next generation. But these artifacts, like the everyday objects we all collect and accumulate, cannot talk. There is no way to know by looking at an object that it was a game winning ball, or a record setting car. Absent the context, the details, and yes, even the story, legend, and lore, all artifacts are just that, artifacts, aka ‘stuff.’

There is no way to know by looking at an object that it was a game winning ball, or a record setting car.

So how do you build, preserve, and share your collection so that, just like the museums, the story, history, and memories live on? Since we’re Artifcts, we’re a little biased, and our first response is going to be “Artifct that!” whatever ‘that’ may be. It takes time and effort to tell the story behind your collection (whether it be sports memorabilia or art!) and add in the details, the who, what, when, where, and why that will one day (if not today) matter. We made it easy and enjoyable.

We’ve compiled tips below to help you get started. (Go deeper with How to Artifct That Collection.)

- - Start with the basic facts. What is it, and how did it come into your possession? Does the item have any financial value? If in doubt, request a free valuation from our partners at Heritage Auctions.
  - Next, get nostalgic. Think about your collection this way: If someone were to inherit your collection, are any pieces of particular value to you? Why?
  - Include photos and videos to augment the description/story. Add audio recordings if you want your family to hear the story the way that you only you can tell it, complete with fun facts.
  - Now try looking at your collection and natural groupings within it. For example, photos, trading cards, and gear may be three groupings. Start and complete Artifcting for one group before moving on to the next.
  - Overwhelmed? Start by taking a video of your collection to ensure you have a record of it. You can then dedicate a certain amount of time per day, week, or month to capture details with individual Artifcts for each piece.

No matter how big or small your collection is, no matter if it is sports ‘stuff,’ or other ‘stuff’ entirely, take a moment to capture at least one piece, one story, one memory. Your family (and maybe even one day a museum!) will thank you.

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September 25, 2024

DECLUTTERING & ORGANIZING

What to Do with All That Sports 'Stuff'

Reading time: 3 minutes

Fall is nearing, and depending on where you live the air might already feel crisper, the leaves may be starting to change color, and pumpkin spice has undoubtedly infiltrated your daily routine. Fall also brings many back to school and back to sports, not to mention the the start of the NFL season and the MLB World Series.

Our co-founder Heather’s youngest went back to school last week and in seven short days has started training with her cross-country team, preparing for the start of her Interscholastic Equestrian Association show jumping season, and tapering her long runs ahead of her first half-marathon. Heather’s first thoughts? Where is all that STUFF that goes with it going to go?

You know what she’s dealing with, no doubt. Probably some ribbons and medals along with event t-shirts, pennants, school spirit wear, and more. The fall sports season kicks off the fall ‘stuff’ season, or at least it seems that way in our founders’ households.

The fall sports season kicks off the fall ‘stuff’ season.

What to Do with All That Sport Stuff...

Sport ‘stuff’ falls into that tricky category of the ‘tough stuff’ in life. We probably all have it, and yet, what are we supposed to do with it? We save it for the memories, the stories, and the sentiments, but one day, hopefully many years from now, the next generation in our family is going to be staring at that sport stuff wondering, “What next?” Or, in some cases even, “What is this stuff?”

Artifcts member @CJH Artifcted their Super Bowl ring along with photos from the big game.

We offer the tips below to help you come to grips with all that sports ‘stuff’ in a way that honors the history, stories, and memories, while also freeing up some much-needed space in your home.

Overwhelmed with old sports equipment? Dedicate an hour a day sorting through what is what and determine what if anything is still usable and whether or not it will be used. Just because it is usable does not mean anyone will actually use it. Donate the usable equipment you no longer need and recycle the rest. Check with local schools and sports clubs. And always Artifct especially sentimental pieces (first cleats, winning baseball from the home opener, etc.) before donating them.

CLICK THE IMAGE to download your copy of our Wild World of Sports checklist for help getting started.

Buried in medals, ribbons, and medallions? Struggling to remember what they all were for? Take it box by box. Using our Artifcts app, photograph the most memorable or significant mementos and add the details—the who, what, when, where, and why—and share with family and friends. Enjoy reminiscing over those shared memories!

Stressed by the tens of thousands of sports photos on your phone? You’re not alone! It’s easy to snap a photo of the winning goal, or a quick video of the game winning catch. But then life happens. We forget and those photos end up years back on our photo reels. Our tip? Dedicate 15 minutes every Sunday to going through those old sports photos and Artifct the ones that have a special story behind them, add video and audio too to make the photo come to life!

You may also enjoy A Virtual Impossibility: Keeping Up with All of My Digital Photos -->

A treasured family Artifct complete with video! Sorry, it's private.

...And Is Any of It Valuable?

We’ve heard from our members over the years that sometimes they hold on to the sports ‘stuff’ in hopes of it being valuable one day. We read the headlines about record setting prices on the Babe Ruth "Called Shot” jersey to Muhammad Ali’s title winning belt and we think, “Mmm....maybe one day the [insert prized sports paraphernalia] will be worth that too.”

Just look at what happened earlier this month when the LA Dodgers released a limited edition bobblehead of star player Shohei Ohtani and his dog Decoy. People were lined up for hours in hopes of scoring one of the bobbleheads, only to immediately turn around and sell them on Ebay.

Screenshot of news headlines about Ohtani bobblehead sales

When in doubt, Artifct your sports ‘stuff’ and use our “What’s It Worth” feature. Our partners at Heritage Auctions will provide you with a free valuation (make sure you fill in all the details for accuracy!) to help you make an informed decision—keep or sell? And at what price?

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September 18, 2024

DECLUTTERING & ORGANIZING, KIDS

Three Peas in a Pod: Sports, Stuff, & Stories

If you are a parent, a friend of a parent, neighbor of a parent, or contemplating parenthood, you've probably noticed that sports consume a vast amount of time & energy for parents and child athletes alike not to mention money and storage space for all that gear. And then, they get older, and the equipment larger and more expensive.

We’ve found ways to cope and find the humor in this sporting reality. Surely you've seen bumper stickers like "swim taxi" or heard someone say, "I'll be working from my {barn} office," as Artifcts Co-founder Heather Nickerson often quips as she departs for her daughter's horse riding lessons.

You may already be using Artifcts as your top ally in keeping track of the key moments, good luck tokens, awards, gear, and other memorabilia you can't (yet?) part with.

Click the image to view the baseball cleat or hockey jersey.

The owners tell us neither of these has been given up (yet)!

Inside the World of Swimming 'Stuff'

Today we're focusing on that last bit, the hall of fame worthy gear, but not from a parent. We're pivoting to the sport of swimming and the Texas Swimming & Diving Hall of Fame.

Charles Logan spent the better part of 12 years as the Director of the Lee and Joe Jamail Texas Swimming Center at The University of Texas at Austin. And lucky for all who enjoy the phenomenal Olympic-level center, Logan has long had a passion for collecting swim memorabilia. Much of his collection now resides in frames, glass display cases, and special exhibits at the Texas Swimming & Diving Hall of Fame, with notable contributions from Texas athletes and their families.

This Artifct is part of a private swim memorabilia collection. Click the image to view the Artifct.

To clarify, the stuff resides at the Hall of Fame; until very recently, the stories did not.

Those stories were locked in Charles' memories of a lifetime of collecting and chasing histories. That of course meant that when massive crowds visit the facility for NCAA competitions and championships, Olympic qualifying events, and regular long and short course seasons (not to mention hours and hours and hours of practice) the swim memorabilia left people to wonder, "What is this?” “Why is it here?" and “How does it all connect?” And for all those who never visit the Hall of Fame in person, it’s simply lost history.

Joining forces with Artifcts, the 'stuff' now has stories and is ready and waiting to inform and entertain Hall of Fame visitors and maybe even inspire a whole new generation of swimmers. We invite you to a virtual tour of some of those exhibits on Artifcts!

View the complete collection ->

And if you're visiting the Texas Swimming & Diving Hall of Fame, be on the look out for Aritfcts QR codes sprinkled throughout!

Artifcts QR code on a swim mannequin

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Have a space in your life like the Texas Swimming & Diving Hall of Fame making you say, "Hmmm?" Contact us at Hello@Artifcts.com to discuss personal concierge options and non-profit and enterprise support.

September 04, 2024

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